DRAFT TODAY, POST TOMORROW: Some posts may be in draft status until I (aka procrastinator extraordinaire) get around to posting them.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Agility Handling class

Tonight is our first night back in class after doing nothing agility related all summer.  We had a course tonight.  There were a couple things I would like to work on.  From the weaves, we did a front cross and another front cross for two jumps, to the teeter.  It could also be a switch from the second jump to the teeter instead, but the front crosses are better for flow in the situation and I'd like to work on it.  Teka "forgot" how to jump the broad jump--it was a jump, U-turn to the broad jump, and she ran right next to it.  When I got her further out, her running momentum helped her take it.  I forgot that Cassi was hesitating at tunnels in the spring; she was doing that again, so I'd like to get the tunnel out and work on some distance exercises as well as some close-up angle work.

Since I haven't seen this group since May, it was interesting that I got comments about the weight I've lost.  It happened at a meeting I had in the afternoon too, and most of the people who commented there have seen me in the past month or two.  I guess some clothes that fit and almost 20 pounds disappearing can make a difference!

Get 'er done

I took the morning off work to run errands that are piling up.  I got my blood taken for my thyroid test, took my medicine right afterward, and then headed to Target.  Mostly I needed personal care and cleaning products, and they are increasing their inventory of brands I like or am interested in trying.  I was there about an hour so when I left, I was able to eat breakfast--a Larabar and a green iced tea from Starbucks.

Then I headed to Kohl's with my 30% coupon.  On my list: a pair of black pants, a pair of brown pants, a belt, stainless steel cookware set I saw in their ad, perfume, a purse, and boots.  I found the pants and got a few tops, including one that I almost didn't pick up but makes me look so thin.  I found a reversible belt so I don't have to get two.  I found a bag I liked for work but not a purse.  Well, I found a purse style similar to the one I have now but I didn't like the colors.  The only other purse I found attractive was too expensive.  I forgot about the perfume...

I found the stainless steel cookware next.  It's a little bit of an investment, but I understand from my research that I should minimize my use of nonstick cookware since it gets scratched and leaches toxicity.  The funny thing is that the set I bought came with a free pan that was nonstick.

I have been looking for boots for years.  And years.  Apparently I have huge calves or something.  So I was not excited about looking at boots, but I saw a pair that I liked.  As usual, my calves felt like they were being strangled.  Then I saw another pair that I liked more, and the sign said something about calf extender. I bought boots today!  Whoo-hoo.  I won't be able to wear them right away (in this heat) but they are super-cute.  And they were on sale and then discounted 30%!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


We saw the grand slam!
There was a catered lunch today.  Pulled pork and pulled chicken and all the normal sides.  One of the awesome admins thought about me and went to Bertha's Cafe to get me a salad.  I realized later that it had pesto which probably has parmesan cheese, but otherwise it was fine.  It's just funky weird to be catered to at a catered event.  And to have to answer all the questions.  I am pretty sure that a few people just think I'm "dieting."  And I love the ones who want to do what I'm doing--so they can lose weight--but they are eating so SAD.  Instead, they just decide, and say, that they could never do what I'm doing.  I don't think I'm special, but maybe I am more unique than I realize if people really can't make changes to their lives to feel better.  Or maybe they just don't feel bad enough yet.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Breakdown Lane

A book about a family falling apart did not sound promising, but I heard that it was worth a read.  And the lead character had MS.  I got the audio-book from the library right before I drove to San Diego.  I thought it was well-written (well-read) as it kept me engaged and listening, and ready for the next disc.  There were uncomfortable moments, when I thought she was not very likable.  But aren't we all unlikable sometimes?  I know I am!

I was able to relate to some things more than others, but that's the way it is with MS.  We all find a different path through our illness.  I guess that is true for life in general too.  Anyone who reads this book will relate to parts of the story.  Hopefully not Leo's life though....

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Losing my damn mind

When I filled out the MS survey this week, the risk survey, I thought I would take less risk for physical disabilities than mental disabilities.  I would take more risk to avoid cognitive issues that are possible with MS.  I think I have some short-term memory lapses but when Dr. M asks if I have any issues, I can never remember any examples.  Funny, huh?

On my recent trip, I received a bag that included a little book with all of the schedule information.  At the end of the first day, I saw the guy next to me pick up the book and walk away.  I was a little annoyed that he took my schedule, so I went to get another.  Soon after, I realized that I had put my schedule book in the front pocket of the bag.  So I had two--I'd had a complete lapse of memory.

I recently posted that my friend brought me a snack.  Well, I'm really enjoying my snack but she did not bring it; I think I bought it while at Costco last time.

Today, we had friends over to watch football and play games, including our new Cornhole game.  We got some hot Italian sausages so my husband asked for the grilling tongs.  I found them in the cabinet in the garage where I put some kitchen things I didn't need when we moved in.  Unfortunately, to get to the cabinet, I had to move some stuff that had been placed in front.  (Because everyone puts large items in front of cabinet doors, right?!)  Worse, I realized that it was a bunch of stuff that was supposed to be in the house.  I was looking for the hanging luggage bag for my recent trip and couldn't find it--and there it was, in the garage, not with the rest of the luggage.  I kind of lost my mind then.  It's hard enough to remember where things are without them being in places I wouldn't put them.  It's possible that someone told me it was there or I saw it but I didn't put it there.  Fortunately, my friends were here to help me laugh about it.  I know there will be many more of these "can't find it cause it's not where I put it" moments.  As annoying as they are, I'm terrified of the other moments, the total lapse of memory moments.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Go, Dbacks!

My friend invited me to a baseball game.  My husband was not too pleased since some other friends thought we had plans.  (But they never firmed the plans, so they didn't get on the calendar, and we all know that I won't remember!)  So he went with them and I went out with my girl.  I picked her up at her house and we went to Beckett's Table.  It hasn't been open long but it's near my work and I've heard great things about the food; only it's not open for lunch.  We split the chopped vegetable salad and I had the half chicken with succotash.  It was all amazing.  The salad was one of the best non-lettuce salads I've ever had.

I'm not a big baseball fan but it was a great game and we had very good seats.  The Diamondbacks clinched it--National League West.  My night was so much better than my husband's.  :)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Eating well

I can eat breakfast, a real breakfast!  I found gluten-free oats, so I can have oatmeal, which I made this morning with my instant hot water, adding dried cranberries, almond slices, shredded coconut, and after it got thick, a little hemp milk.  Not bad.  I don't think the coconut added anything to it.  I am excited to have "cereal" for breakfast, and I can play with the add-ins so it's not too boring.  I can't wait to try to duplicate the coconut, peanut butter, chocolate, oatmeal I had at Ground Control.  I'm getting hungry...

I got a last minute invitation to go get lunch, so we went to Revo and the gals copied me by having the chicken fajita rice bowl, two of us with brown rice and the other with the creamy white rice (not me--dairy).  I add lots of salsa and it's yummy.  And it's two meals.

I made chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner.  I used a little of the potato water as well as some hemp milk to get the mashed potatoes creamy.  I'm still missing the butter (which technically I can have but am supposed to try to limit) for the flavor, but not bad.

Throughout the day, I had a plum, some pickled asparagus, as well as some pistachios.  Now that I look at my day, I don't think that was enough veggies.  Although there was lots of bell peppers and salsa at lunch.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I got to go to a baseball game as part of my workday.  I thought about eating first but understood that we were eating lunch first (rather than at the ballpark).  Well, that was partially true.  We ate at Friday's at the ballpark.  It does not have the full TGI Friday's menu.  They did have an allergen menu--it showed what allergens were in each menu item.  Unfortunately, it didn't break out parts of dishes, so almost everything had milk listed (since there is cheese in almost everything).  I ended up going for a "least bad" choice, I think, with shrimp skewers and broccoli.  I'm not supposed to eat shellfish, and there was soy, but it seemed all the chicken and fish dishes had wheat and/or dairy in ways I couldn't figure out what modifications to make.  We also had chips and salsa at Sliders after the game.

I went to Sprouts for some groceries, limiting myself to an hour.  I spent a lot of time comparing items and trying to figure out what I'm doing.  I wanted to get some protein powder for smoothies, but no whey (dairy) or soy.  That limited my choices quite a bit.  I actually bought 3 to try, including hemp and rice powders.  I was a little annoyed that I didn't know they have a 10% discount if you buy over an amount in the vitamin/personal care section at once.  I was probably about halfway there.  I also looked for alternative milk.  I decided to pick up a hemp milk and coconut milk.  Buying broth--vegetable and chicken--proved the most difficult choice.  There is yeast extract in many, and soy in others.  I was able to find vegetable broth without either ingredient but gave up on the chicken broth.  I found the waffles that the student recommended and they looked very promising.  Except for the soy flour.  *sigh*

I baked my spaghetti squash last night so I could have it for dinner tonight.  I made half of it with marinara sauce, fresh parsley and basil.  Not bad.  It needed cheese--I may try some goat cheese on the other half since that was acceptable on my treatment plan.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A gift, a survey (or three), a snack.

One of my sisters told me the other day that I should expect a package today and she wanted to make sure someone would be home for it.  I was working at home, and I got the package in the early afternoon.  I was having a stress-filled day, so maybe I overreacted.  She sent me a beautiful box of chocolate covered strawberries.  I opened the box and read her note and then stood there crying.  When I told my husband about the rough day I had, especially that part, he did not get it at all.  I guess part of my frustration was that I don't know what to say to her--I should thank her but how?  Thanks for sending hubby and friends this awesome gift?  FML.


I took a survey about MS fatigue, as well as my monthly monitoring survey, and the NARCOMS Patient Decision Making Survey.  The last one is an interesting exercise in hypothetical situations--it asks a lot of "if a drug existed that would do this positive (such as cure MS) but has this negative (blindness in one or both eyes or a quick and painless death), would you take the drug.  It gives different odds of having the negative actually happen: 1:1000, 1: 10000, 1:100000, tiniest chance.  I know that I logically would avoid a treatment that would kill me or permanently blind me in both eyes, but if I was actually faced with the situation, I'm not certain that logic would have any place.


My friend, A, got me these maple pecans.  They are like candied nuts, but there are also dried cherries and apples as well as walnuts.  They are pretty good dessert-ish snacks.  While I was looking for a photo, I found their website which says they have a gluten-free facility.  Not all of their products are okay for me--at least one had soy--but it's a good start.

Monday, September 19, 2011

No salad, no GPS, no buns.

Yesterday was my last day in San Diego.  Before leaving, I decided to get a salad for lunch.  The restaurant I found was nice and I got a table outside to enjoy the weather.  It was an expensive house salad; it didn't even have meat on it.  After I explained that I couldn't have wheat or diary, the waitress said the candied walnuts were purchased so she didn't know if they had wheat.  My salad came with a bunch of parmesan cheese on top and the walnuts on the side.  I sent the salad back since I couldn't just take the cheese off.  I didn't understand the walnuts on the side.  When my salad came back, there were two pieces of bread slid into the side of my salad, so I didn't even eat the whole thing.  As if everything didn't suck enough, I didn't even get a refill on my ice tea.

After my stop near Indio/Palm Springs, I actually got lost trying to get back to the freeway.  My phone's GPS didn't find my actual location the entire trip, and this time was no different.  I had a total meltdown but my husband was able to get me back to the freeway.  I may have been more ready to have a meltdown since I was stressed about making the stop there and getting home so very late and, and, and....

I went to lunch with some coworkers today.  We went to Teakwoods.  There was one thing on the menu I thought might be okay.  I had the char-grilled chicken sandwich with no bun, no mayo, substitute ranch beans instead of fries, add a side of salsa.  Not too bad--they make their salsa there.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Buffets are not my friends.

I've skipped the freebie breakfast every day at the conference since I can't eat eggs.  There is also a freebie lunch, which I have skipped.  I went in to the area to find someone and saw that the lunch was buffet of salad (with croutons and ranch dressing) and Mexican food (with cheese on everything), so I went out to Seaport Village.  I found a Greek restaurant and had an excellent salad with grilled chicken, no feta, and a side of rice as a substitute for the pita.

I talked to a couple of my previous coworkers about dinner plans.  There was an event dinner but I opted out since it was a buffet and expensive; my previous coworkers were not going either.  Unfortunately, they skipped the end of the day and got an early start on their evening.  And my phone did not deliver their texts until much too late for me to join them for a seafood dinner.  And I found myself upset.  I have eaten almost all of my meals alone while I've been traveling.  I'm a social eater, but this makes me feel like one of those crazy people who eat in private to hide their eating from others.

Friday, September 16, 2011

I don't feel funny...or normal.

Maybe I've just been trying too hard to have normal meals.  So today, I had a banana on my way to the conference, a "granola" bar for a snack, and some orange juice during the refreshment break.  I also took a green tea packet but never got around to making it.  (BTW, why does Lipton put soy in some of it's tea bags?  That's ridiculous.)

I ran into some people I used to work with about 5 years ago.  One of the guys (I didn't know very well; he was in department next to mine) told me how he missed my sense of humor and sarcasm.  I thought that was pretty cool--I don't think I'm very funny most of the time!  A few of the others were going to lunch, and they invited me to go.  The restaurant had mostly fried seafood but the girl at the counter helped me out very nicely.  I had grilled salmon (not wild, sorry) and coleslaw (vinegar, not mayo) with ice tea.  I considered having the salmon salad but they had packaged dressing so I didn't think that would work so well.

I was invited to attend the Padres game, so I went back to my room and made oatmeal before going.  I had peanuts at the game.  (D-backs were not doing so great when I left.)  I was handed a bunch of vouchers for free Jack-in-the-Box tacos.  I guess I can give them to my husband....  When I got back to my room, I ate the leftover Indian food from yesterday.  I had some grapes for something "sweet."

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Dreaming of art purchases...and a cure for cancer

After eating my leftover (cold) paella for breakfast, I headed to the conference.  My hair looked fine but when I went to the restroom later, I almost didn't recognize myself--my hair looked so bad!  At registration, I found out that lunch was included today.  Hmm.  Since box lunches were provided, there was only an hour for lunch.  At the urging of the guy sitting next to me in the workshop, I went to see what they were serving.  Even after I said I was going to go out and find lunch, he was trying to tell me I could eat the vegetarian sandwich.  There's something wrong with people.

I headed to Seaport Village at a speed walk.  Once I got there, I found that the restaurants I thought I might be able to eat at were at the far end.  I had chicken tacos with beans and rice, no cheese all around.  I had a (very over priced) green ice tea at a coffee shop also.  I sped walked back to the Convention Center and barely got there in time.  And I was sweaty; I put my hair up in a clip.

There was a happy hour reception where I visited a lot of sponsor booths to get swag.  There were two food stations: an Italian (pasta and bread) and Chinese (soy all around), so I didn't eat.  I had some water at one of the sponsor booths.  When I left, I went to the hotel to change and drop off my stuff.

I headed out to find dinner.  On the way, I found the Chuck Jones Gallery.  As soon as I walked in, I saw Bugs Bunny: in an airplane, playing poker, with  was.  awesome.  The lady working there said the gallery (store) is owned by the Jones family and she showed me a lot of pieces including several that I would love to have in our game room, a print of the mermaid cartoon, and Bugs and Daffy playing the piano.

I went to an Indian restaurant and explained to the waiter that I couldn't have wheat or dairy.  He made some recommendations; the chicken dishes could be modified so they weren't marinated in yogurt.  So I had Vindaloo with rice and a mango juice drink.  It was very good and I have leftovers for tomorrow.


I really have little to no faith in the agencies regulating our food and environment.  So I can't say I'm surprised by the possibility that the FDA is suppressing the cure for cancer This documentary thoroughly documents and proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that cancer can be effectively treated without toxic chemotherapy or radiation, and it exposes the orchestrated effort made by the FDA to suppress this treatment and to jail the doctor providing it.   This is very long, but interesting: at least watch the first half hour.  I have to say: the side effects of cancer treatment--chemo and radiation drugs--should NOT be leukemia.  I don't think the government should be able to patent anything.  And I'm kind of sick of seeing the way the same people show up all over the place, going from "regulated" business to regulator and back and forth like there is no conflict of interest.

I see also that the FDA is fighting Dr. Oz for stating that our apple juice has arsenic in it.  I don't know if these things are true, but I think it's worth considering.  (And of course I'm skeptical of a cancer cure as well--we know there's big money in treatments.)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A good doctor visit = no crying

At U-fest, my friend insisted I needed this shirt to wear to my doctor's appointment.  Today, I had a visit with Dr. H and the student H, so I wore the shirt.  I think H was a little worried that the others in the lobby were embarrassed, but Dr. H seemed amused.  She also stated that I seemed happier--um, cause I'm not crying?

They both felt different pulse points and think I have more energy but my liver is still struggling (as is expected due to the cancer drug I took, most likely).  I explained the pain issues seem to be around (before and after) digestive issues; I don't feel they have gone away but I am having more consistent (timing) bathroom time, although not in great shape.  I also mentioned that I thought I had a reaction to the tikka masala I ate at Pita Jungle although it wasn't supposed to have any of my allergens--Dr. H said several people have had complaints about reacting to PJ food recently.  H said she would send me some info about where/what to eat while in San Diego (and she is traveling to SD next week.)

After they discussed my treatment, H put a couple hot Epsom salt towels on my back.  After that, she massaged castor oil on my back.  Then she wiped it off.  Next, I laid on my back and she did some acupuncture, including some shoulder points.  In addition, they added some more pellets to my treatment, something called Arsenicum. as well as a higher dose Phosphorus for when I am having a painful episode.

H is graduating so she kind of offered to work with me at another location or I will continue with Dr. H and a new student, which is more likely the route I will take.


I packed for my trip before going to see Dr. H, so I stopped to fill up on gas, then to Robeks for a drink.  The girl working there told me that they can substitute other ingredients for any of the dairy, so I had a fruit smoothie, minus the sherbet and yogurt, and added carrot juice.  I also had a Larabar cashew cookie bar (full size) since I had only had OJ for breakfast.  Yeah, that's why my tummy was very, very loudly growling during my appointment!  Then I stopped for a mani/pedi so I will look more professional (polished) before heading out of town.


The drive was uneventful, I'm checked in, and I walked over to an area that I know has restaurants, several ethnic restaurants I thought would be worth checking out.  Instead, I found a Spanish restaurant.  If it was my last meal on earth, I would totally want a traditional paella with some specific tapas that are not on my current diet!  Since I can't have the seafood either, I had a vegetable paella preceded by a bowl of gazpacho.  Yummo!  I have half my paella leftover for a cold breakfast tomorrow.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Rock and roll, baby!

Yesterday, we spent the day at U-fest.  We know someone in the first band and stayed until the last band was on stage.  Anthrax was great (but would have been greater if there was less talking--it kind of made them sound old.)  It was an interesting day--pretty hot and sunny, then it rained (there was an actual rain delay), got windy, and we ended up cold!  I took a Trio bar and a Larabar.  That was definitely NOT enough food for 12 hours.

Today, we had a few friends over to watch the first game of the season.  My friends brought a potato salad--vinegar based instead of mayo--and guacamole and "special" sweet potato chips.  I have such great girlfriends--they are so considerate!

Friday, September 9, 2011


I got Earth: the book (audio book) on clearance and just finished.  After I got it, I realized I have the coffee table book already.  The audio book was entertaining and silly, as should be expected when the Daily Show is involved.  Now I'm not sure what to do with it.  I don't think I'll listen to it again.  But who knows....

Thursday, September 8, 2011

PJ and Corn Chowder

I went to Pita Jungle for the falafel and a green ice tea.  It was good although I thought the falafel was dry, maybe a little overcooked.  Later I didn't feel well so I'm not sure if there was something wrong with it or I just overdid it today.

Creamless Corn Chowder
I bought fresh corn the other day at the grocery store and needed to use it.  I wanted to make the creamless corn chowder that was in USA Today.  I forgot to check the other ingredients needed so I made some substitutions.  I think it turned out pretty well and my husband liked it (although he added more pepper and I thought it was plenty peppery.)

Essentially, take the corn off 4 ears and blend.  Take the corn off another 4 ears for the soup.  Cook potatoes a little and add water or broth; simmer till cooked.  Add the onions, peppers, corn and corn blend.  Add seasoning throughout.  I think carrots could be added with the potatoes.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

My time is over committed

I went to the orthodontist to get my new retainer.  He wants me to wear it "all the time" but I don't think I can wear it all the time in professional settings.  I will be wearing it a lot more than I have had to wear it in quite a while.

I saw Dr. M for my quarterly appointment for monitoring.  I can never really tell how it goes, but I never really think it went well.  When we were done, N and I went to Sonora for my blood draw and she took my vitals.  Nothing too exciting.

I went to a Biltmore dinner which was a buffet.  The buffet was essentially deconstructed Caesar salad, pasta and risotto, and beef.  So I had lettuce with vinaigrette, and a glass of red wine.  Not a good dinner at all!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


I cleaned out about three boxes of groceries from my pantry, things I can't eat and my husband doesn't.  A box went to his parents.  Then my friends, K and A, picked what they wanted.  I was left with a few things.  One was a box of high fiber pasta that a coworker gave me.  He seemed very surprised when I gave it back to him, and I think he didn't want it either.  I didn't tell him (but I think he knows I think this) that he shouldn't buy crap just because it's cheap, and then try to give it away.

Another coworker was going to get lunch at Revo so she picked up my lunch too.  Their gluten-free chicken rice bowl (brown rice) is pretty yummy.  I may have to make this one of my regular lunches.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Knock, knock. I'm coming to lunch.

courtesy the bloggess
Not only do I struggle with what is or is not MS, everyone around me does too. And if it's not the MS, it's my broken, fused back.

I've been dealing with some pain issues for years, but not anywhere near as long as my back has been broken.  I experience extreme pain along the spine, accompanied by (ahem...) digestive issues.  MS doctors told me the pain was not an MS issue--I just need to lose weight**; non-MS doctors said it was MS--definitely nerve pain.  **The pain started while I was skinny, after losing about 50-60 pounds. I think I had my first undiagnosed MS exacerbation around then as well.  Someone told me last week that they thought it was "just back pain."

A few years ago, I started cleaning up my diet--no aspartame, high fructose corn syrup, MSG, potassium acetate, or soda.  I eat organic when reasonable.  I am recently diagnosed with allergies or sensitivities to wheat, bakers yeast and egg whites.  In addition, I no longer eat soy due to my thyroid condition due to MS drugs.  (Yes, I do like to jump to conclusions.  What of it?)  While my gut is going through detox, I am also banned from red meat, coffee, and dairy.  I really, really hope the ban is temporary.

I can not overemphasize this: I LOVE FOOD.  One of my favorite TV stations is the Food Network.  I collect recipes.  I want to make great food for people I love.  I love food.

I don't think I am usually a high maintenance person.  But now, we go out, and I have to quiz the server.  And sometimes the chef.  And research the restaurant before I go, if possible.  So now, I am "that" person: no this, no that.  I'm sure I'm making mistakes, but I'm not going to starve to death.
My husband's family, in their words, "don't understand."  Huge disclaimer here: I love his parents and think the world of them.  Here's the thing, though: if you asked them, they probably think they eat healthy--but they don't.  They drink soda, don't read labels, eat all kinds of sugar-free and processed foods, but they do throw in some fruits and vegetables.
I was nervous about going to lunch at their house.  They asked what I can eat.  I think this is going to be a recurring theme.  I'm not going to recount the details of eating there, but I was asked if I can eat watermelon.  Or an apple.  Maybe I misunderstood the question...
I can eat chicken and fish and turkey and probably pork--high quality meats if possible--organic or wild caught I was told, as well as fruits, vegetables, rice, potatoes, beans, and seasonings and sauces that don't have any of the banned ingredients.  See, I won't starve to death!  But if you buy lots of processed foods, I do need to see the labels.  My definition of processed is anything in a package--my apologies to anyone who disagrees with my very broad interpretation.
When we got home and I needed to eat something to take my medicine, I had some of the leftover chili beans and brown rice from the other night.  I added some spicy salsa to it and that worked very well--no crying at all!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Wine is what's for dinner

I can't have anything I usually eat for breakfast.  So, I have 2 links of Applegate chicken and apple breakfast sausage.  And a few strawberries.  And I try making a cold green tea latte with almond milk.  Meh.  I feel like I'm going through the motions, just eating something so I can take my medications.

For lunch, I pick up a large gazpacho from Bertha's with a side salad.  They give me corn chips and balsamic dressing.  I eat a little of the chips with my soup and a little of the dressing with my salad.  I'm not sure if either is allowed.  I have a piece of chocolate my coworker bought for me.  It is good.  Not great, but it's good.  I'm okay with one square.

I smell popcorn.  It's not on my menu, something in the microwave popcorn that I don't eat anymore.  I have pistachios.  I haven't had them in a long time and they are really good.  A little addictive even.  Probably too much salt, but who cares.  I got them in the shells to slow me down.  What else do you want from me?

I bought ingredients for this sandwich my husband really wanted me to make for him.  We saw it on Sandwich King.  When we watched the show last weekend, I thought I could have everything but the bread.  I make the fig spread and assemble his sandwich to cook between two pans (panini style).  I eat some of the fontina (couldn't find fontinella) cheese with the fig spread.  Suddenly, I remember that I can't don't eat dairy anymore.  I've eaten a really, really nice (but small) snack of cheese and figs.  And now I have nothing to eat for dinner.  I'm crying.  I drink wine for dinner.  Is that bad?

I realize that I need some food so I can take my medications.  I have leftover rice with half a can of chili beans.  It needs something else but I just don't care anymore.  I eat it anyway.  My husband sees that I'm upset and tells me it will be okay.  He wants to know if I would feel better if he didn't like the sandwich.  I tell him no, then I wasted my time and neither of us had a decent meal.  He really liked the sandwich.  I know it was awesome.  For him.  I don't feel okay yet.