Monitored and all the things

I was going to work at home today, but I needed to go in for my drug trial monitoring, the quarterly visit that includes the neurologist. My to-do list seems exceedingly long this week and I am feeling all the things. Overwhelmed. Unmotivated. Distracted. Guilty. Stressed. That's the one that worries me the most...

I stayed up too late waiting for the guest room blanket to dry and cleaning the kitchen. Admittedly, this was after I watched the Daily Show, Colbert Report, and Covert Affairs. I listened to the Tonight Show while I was getting stuff done. And then Jimmy Fallon.

And too early, I was up. Well, Mick was up, took the dogs out and fed them. Usually I'm first up and taking care of the pups. His helper arrived. Okay already, I'm up, geez.

Mick had scheduled a meeting with our landscape project guy G and told me last night that G was ready for the next payment. It was short notice, IMO. I know Mick wants to get reward points available on my credit card, so I paid the balance early, but it won't go through till today. Of course, that took the checking account balance below the amount G wanted. And his credit card thing wasn't working. Do I really need this stress first thing in the morning? Have I mentioned that I am NOT a morning person?!

Mick also informed me last night that they want to plant the farm on Friday. So I need to go to the nursery to get seeds and plants. Pronto. Well, great, let's add that to my to-do list. 

This week's to-do list (not including a comparable number of work items):

I KNOW IT'S SIDEWAYS.

What stress? I'm actually kind of impressed how far I've gotten.

So after my commute, and being in the office less than two hours, (and spending about 20 minutes of that in the bathroom, dribble, wait, dribble, wait, rinse, repeat) I left for my drug trial update. I had to pee already so we got that out of the way. Then Dr. M put me through the usual tests. He asked about my balance and made me walk and turn several times. My balance isn't great but I don't remember it being noticeable before.

O_O

He also re-did some of the sensory tests on my hands and feet. Not surprising but kind of concerning.

Do. Not. Panic.

Side note. I don't know how, but the nail polish came off one of my toes yesterday. I tried this morning, in a hurry, to take the rest of my toe nail polish off but only the top layer came off. I guess I HAVE to go get a pedicure this time. So my toes looked all gross during my exam. And he does actually have to touch my feet, and although he was wearing gloves, I still felt bad. Is that a girl thing?

Anyway, when he was done, I went in the other room with L, my care coordinator, and almost immediately was boo-hooing. WTH. I think it scared me a little that he was asking about my balance, which I am mentally translating to my mobility, and who wants to lose their mobility? It's one of the things all us MS warriors worry about (and the doctors claim we have anxiety because we worry about our future...) I know that I can only control certain things and all the supportive things people say to me, but I. Hate. This. Fucking. Disease. It. Is. Fucked. Up.

L assured me my EDSS (or is it EDDS) hasn't changed, my MRI didn't show any change (not that I got those results, or did I am I forgetting--no, I didn't), and I'm doing fine. I do what I can for my health. Except that I don't. I mean, I do, but there is more. I should sleep quite a bit more. I still haven't started "strength training" for my low testosterone levels. And I feel guilty. And overwhelmed. And a little lost.

Then she took my vitals and said that maybe I'm feeling emotional because I have a little bit of a temperature, about 100.

O_O

Shit. I have a billion things to do but now the most important non-work item will be the one that is not on the list: get some sleep. More sleep. Always more sleep.

And I still have a club meeting tonight.

Espresso and coconut milk are heavenly

I went to get my blood work done--not so fun--but I did get the info I needed to finalize my taxes at the very last minute.

Afterwards, I decided to take a small detour to my old Dutch Bros location. I haven't been since they started carrying coconut milk so I was nervous about what I could have. The girls were very helpful and I decided to start out with a "boring, normal" vanilla latte. It was so. freaking. awesome. If any of their locations was directly on my path anywhere, I would be in so much trouble, going all the time!

strawberries with nut butter, chocolate syrup, muffins

Black and tan

Tax day is coming!

I like this one--comfy and cute.

This is the latest I've ever done my taxes. I go to a CPA; she's been doing my taxes forever now so I know it's quicker to have her do it and I also have someone to ask that one time a year when I need to ask a CPA something.

I keep a spreadsheet for my medical expenses. It's hard to track what I paid outright, what I got reimbursed from the FSA or HSA, what was excluded (they won't pay it--like the naturopaths), so I keep spreadsheets every year. With my thyroid surgery in December, I still had a lot of things being paid, reimbursed, etc, so I just got it close to wrapped up at the end of March.

I went to the CPA today and realized I missed something (yep, happens almost every year, just one thing.) This year, it was the income from the drug trial. You wouldn't think it was income--it's just gas money after all--but I get a tax form. Well, I didn't get one this year. The CPA thinks I was probably just under the amount that they send it but I still have to report it. So I have to get that info before the return can be filed.

The most annoying part to me is that I'd really want to file as early as possible because we get a refund. But this medical crap always drags me down.

NAWBO Networking

I'm all networked out. I went to a lunch as a guest and the ladies were nice but it was longer than expected and the speaker's topic was not quite what I was expecting. I'm ready to not be social for a while. But that's not going to happen!

FPA Symposium

It was all day continuing education. I was running early, so I stopped and got a drink at the Coffee Bean. Unfortunately, I was early because I went to the location we used to have our meetings at and that we just had our charity golf tournament at. Oops. So I headed to the correct location and was about 5 minutes late but people were still signing in and finding seats, so it was not horrible that I (the first speaker of the day, just to welcome everyone and thank everyone involved and introduce the next speaker) was LATE.

The day went smoothly but I'm mentally exhausted from trying to remember people's names and speak with people who searched me out (someone I used to work with at Vanguard, someone that interviewed me at another company and is no longer there, etc.) and, of course, listening to all the speakers. I'm learned now. :)

BofA

Bank of America (like all banks!) is so annoying. I think they changed my account type to charge me a monthly maintenance fee on my checking account, but I don't know for certain. This Advantage fee showed up and the rep says it is waived for all these balance requirements that I do not (have never) maintained. I'm not paying $20/month for an account that allows the bank to have access to my money! And I'm not keeping lots of money in the bank. I got the account type changed to Access, which has all the features I thought I had, including maintenance fee waiver for direct deposit and savings account fee waiver for monthly transfer. It really sucks that we have to constantly be vigilant about new fees and charges on accounts. If I didn't have auto-pay on so many things, I would change accounts. But that's how they keep us....