But we can have rice.

When I realized the end of the month was approaching, and I was told that I have a lot of vacation time left for this year, I decided to take today off work.  I had not taken care of my new license photo that had to be done by the end of August, so I needed to get that done.  It was top priority, so it could wait till the end of the day, right?  I already had an appointment scheduled with the naturopathic doctor and student, so I scheduled a trip to the orthodontist in Chandler, lunch with a friend, and a haircut, then to the DMV or whatever they're calling it these days.

I started the day with a fruit and yogurt smoothie.  I was running a little early, so I went to Dutch Brothers by ASU for a Kicker.  I noticed the students going to school and thought back to my ASU days--I remember being so relaxed.  I was stressed, but I was relaxed.  I don't remember--when did I lose that?

I went to the medical college and saw the student (mostly) and the doctor.  I don't know if I'll remember all the details but I did a lot of crying again.  I actually told Dr. H that I am generally a happy person (is that right?!) and she said she got that sense about me.  Here's what got me started.  I've been avoiding wheat, yeast, and eggs, as well as soy, for 2 weeks.  I've lost five pounds.  I still feel like shit.  Okay, I had a couple of moments where I thought I had more energy, but that is totally negated by the painful days I had to endure. And she tells me we have to get my GI tract working.  I need to avoid dairy because it is giving me inflammation.  And no coffee.  And no red meat.  Did you catch the one about dairy?!  I just had a smoothie made with milk and yogurt, and a latte.  I've been eating cheese, yogurt, and cottage cheese as my primary calorie sources for 2 weeks.  I just spent a bunch of money on groceries I can't eat.

What. the. fuck. am. I. supposed. to. eat?

I'm sorry, am I crying to much for you?  Do I seem emotional?  Is anything I ever do enough?  EVER???  Does there always have to be something else?  Does there have to be another shitty thing to deal with?

So they did acupuncture on me, putting needles in my legs and feet.  Because my GI tract is inflamed.  And left me alone to weep for a while.  I seriously hate my life.  I know I have awesome things in my life, but all I can think at that point, is that I. hate. my. fucking. life.

I feel totally out of control.  I have NO fucking control in my life.  And I have to kinda take whatever they say and do it because I have so much fucking pain that I just want to do anything.  Yes, I am that crazy desparate person who will take any snake oil or magic pill.  Just make it stop.

So the doctor added another pellet thing to my regime.  It's phosphorus, for that out of controlness I mentioned.  Actually, the bottle says Cough and Sore Throat.  I have to take 3 under the tongue daily.  They are kind of like bad pop rocks.  Yeah, pop rocks aren't on my diet.

I realized after the acupuncture that the clock wasn't working in the room (and I'm not wearing my watch since they keep feeling my pressure points or pulse or whatever they're doing.)  And I'm late for the orthodontist.  I call and get the okay to be there in a half hour.  I barely make it.  I'm the last appointment they see before they close for lunch.

The orthodontist says my top retainer is fine, although I need to wear it lower; the bottom retainer has to be replaced.  I get a mold taken and schedule an appointment for next week.  He wants me to wear my retainer all the time.  That makes me furiously happy, considering the day week I'm having so far.  I'm a 40 year old professional.  I'd love to wear my retainer all the time.  NOT.

Next, I meet my friend, J, at Kona Grill.  Between us, we are allergic to (or can't eat) just about everything.  But rice is okay, so we have sake.  I decide that sushi is back on the menu.  I haven't had an infusion in over a year and those jackasses never tell me anything about my test results unless I ask, so fuck it, I'm having spicy tuna rolls.  Even J seems a little thrown when she realized that most of the sushi menu has tempura (wheat) or cream cheese.  Plus I'm not eating soy.  I've never had sushi without soy sauce.  The waiter is patient and accommodating.  He brings us fish tacos, with the fish blackened instead of fried, and the tortillas on the side for J, and lettuce on the side for me to make lettuce wraps instead of tacos.  And a sauce that I can use for the tacos and the sushi.  It was good.

I stayed longer than I should have.  But she was the perfect person to see at that time.  She, probably more than anyone, understands me today.  But I was almost half an hour late to get my hair cut.  And I noticed while I was driving that my contacts are really unhappy about the crying.  I can barely see out of my left eye.  I get nervous that I will have to take an eye test at the DMV.  I tipped her a little extra.  I was just disappointed because she hurried since I was late, so it was not at all relaxing either.  And I was not feeling so great, getting some pain.  Probably from all that dairy this morning, right?

Next I headed to the DMV.  I still couldn't see well, and I was in quite a bit of pain when I arrived but it waned and I got my new photo taken and got my new driver's license.  My face looks (is) fat, but it's a good picture.

I thought about getting a pedicure before going home, but at this point, I'm mentally and physically beat up.  Whipped.  Tortured.  I came home to cry.  And take my contacts out.  I can't see clearly.  I just see how much my life sucks.