I spent Friday doing laundry after cleaning the washer and dryer out, deep cleaning bathrooms, and taking apart the stove hood to clean. It was crazy hard work but satisfying to see things progressing. It's also quite a workout.
I made Creamer (no photo)! I had corned beef (Trader Joe's) with Simply potatoes and Sprouts raw sauerkraut for brunch.
|Snack from Whole Foods|
|Buckwheat groats with tropical fruits and coconut|
I went to the eye doctor for my eye exam. I kept blinking during the glaucoma test and the (what is the girl called?) said she'd have the doctor do it manually. He examined my eyes and I thought everything was going kind of normal and then he said he wanted to look at my eyes again. He explained that there was scarring on the top half of my left cornea, my astigmatism has gotten worse, and he didn't feel that I should be wearing contacts right now. If my eye specialist gave written permission, he would write a new prescription but he thought it wasn't good for my eye health. He implied that the specialist should dilate my eyes before making that judgment; Dr. M hasn't done that either time I've seen him.
I could feel the trepidation building as the conversation started and continued. If I can't wear contacts, am I going to wear glasses? I don't have "current" glasses. I haven't worn glasses in public in 25 years. I hated wearing glasses. I don't want to wear glasses. So he measured me for glasses. I couldn't pick out new frames by myself so I went home. I cried all the way home.
My husband Mick, who has perfect vision, tried to console me but he doesn't understand. It sucks to lose something because of health reasons. I knew when I first researched MS that the insidiousness of it was the way it takes things from people, maybe a little at a time, maybe not. When each thing is looked at individually, it seems like no big deal to many people (without MS). But it is really one thing after another after another for years and years and years and it wears on me. It's hard to be...it's hard to be ME when MS is fucking up my body, my eyes, my life. It sucks balls.