Control (caution: what follows is totally random)

I have seen several MS bloggers write that one of the worst things about MS is the loss of control.  I like to have some control, be able to plan, and have choices.  MS has definitely changed that.  (Well, so have some people and circumstances, but that's for another conversation.)  I no longer have "normal" control of my body, I can't plan on having a full day (or not), I don't think I have control of my emotions.  Okay, I probably didn't have such great control over my emotions to start with.  But I feel out of control sometimes, like what am I doing or saying--is it me or someone else?!

I was watching some episodes of My Fair Wedding when it occurred to me that I would not have been able to give my wedding to David Tuttera.  The end result can be as awesome as he thinks it will be, but we loved all the personal choices we made.  One of the things that made me think about this was a situation in which he moved the ceremony from the church to another venue.  I wanted a church wedding and some guy (who I'm not marrying) is not going to move the ceremony to a banquet hall.  I feel the same about those shows like Trading Spaces, where someone comes in and changes a room in your house without your input.  Yikes, no way.

My husband and I have had several cases of credit card fraud--and that situation always feels out of control.  In each instance, the bank called because they were suspicious of the charges.  This latest version was on my card, and the charges were being processed while I was working at home.  I used the card a couple of days ago, at a very nice resort in Scottsdale where I was attending a seminar, to purchase lunch.  I think that every time we have experienced credit card fraud, it has been shortly after using our card at a restaurant.  This is why we don't use our debit card for purchases.  Anyway, I won't be able to use that card (my rewards card) until I get the replacement.  Argh.

I guess I just control what I can.  So, when I'm feeling out of control, I check out the bloggess and laugh my ass off.  She just posted this video presentation on the Art of Being Furiously Happy (or doing ridiculously silly stupid things.)  Things I wish I said:

• In your life, you are going to be tested with tragedies...and assholes are going to try to destroy you.  
• All were moments that made me so incredibly happy and aware of the moment.
• I absolutely deserve to curl up in bed and cover my head and never leave again but I also absolutely deserve the right to be furiously happy.
• Allow yourself, demand of yourself, that you listen to that inner child...it's not just about you.  It's about the people around you that you bring a smile to.  It's about being furiously happy and indignantly joyous, because enthusiastic ridiculousness can change your day, and sometimes it can change the day of those around you, and maybe, just maybe it can change the world.

So, go on, ask a police officer if you can tase someone.  And watch out for that Zombie Apocalypse.