Guilt

I was reading my Facebook updates and see a post from my mom's friend, G, who has known my mom at least since I was a teenager, if not before. She knows that I haven't lived with my mom since I was 6 years old. The post says: Rachel...your pkg for your Mama came to my house today..she is comin' by after work to get it...thanks from me, Sweetie, for rememberin' your dear Mama on Mother's Day and now with this pkg too. ONE out of her FIVE is better than NONE out of her FIVE...so bless U

(Rachel is my youngest half-sister.) I was very upset by this post, and responded something like I was sending a card but was waiting for a photo so sent it late. Then I made a "joke" about her trying to make me feel guilty but instead just ruining the surprise.

She responded whatever...I ruined nothing..if you feel any guilt, wasn't MY doing...sorry

At this point, I realize she is not someone I want to deal with in my life, so I deleted my comment. As I did so, I realize that she is not my friend on FB (so I'm not sure how I saw her post; did she delete me afterwards or was it something else) AND she is not friends with Rachel on FB--neither is my mom. That lead me to believe that she was being passive aggressive, posting to someone publicly who is not even on FB.

The whole thing (on top of other sh!t I'm dealing with health-wise) really got to me and I ended up bawling for a while. M didn't understand why I let her get to me, and I really didn't either but I think it was because these are the type of comments my mom would make, at least in the past, so it just seemed so WRONG. I mean, who is this "dear Mama" she's referring to and when do I get to meet her? How is it always about her and never about what is good for her kids?

Right after this happened, I ran across this blog of a Christian lady that I found a little interesting. Mom, and presumably G, are very public about their Christianity. In one of the blog posts, the author says:

...one of the things I’ve just learned to take off is the guilt of other people’s anger. It used to be, just the suggestion that I was to blame for something made me assume I was. I’m taking it all off now. It hangs over my drooping shoulders and weighs me down. It’s not mine to wear....

There was also a card she posted that said: May the Lord repay you for what you have done. She goes on: Candy coated hostility steeped in sunshine, smothered in syrupy sweet insincerity and strung taut between the teeth of seething animosity–it’s the Christian way.

How appropriate.