DRAFT TODAY, POST TOMORROW: Some posts may be in draft status until I (aka procrastinator extraordinaire) get around to posting them.

Monday, July 2, 2012

crying and other thoughts--or lack of

I was having some residual effects of my adventures eating this morning, and was not feeling so great, having some back pain, but it was coming and going. I was trying to ignore it as much as possible rather than dwell on it. It's so tiring to think about. And my head hurts.

A younger lady came into my office and wanted to know if she could ask me a personal question. She looked like she had been crying, so I told her to close the door. She sat and told me her 23 year old friend was just diagnosed with MS. She is having vision issues, was diagnosed through spinal tap, and has had a steroid treatment.

As soon as my friend started crying, I was in tears. How do people do that to me!? I hugged her and reassured her and answered her questions. I gave her my email address to pass on to her friend, but I know that people have a hard time reaching out for this type of thing so I don't know if she'll contact me.

I wonder if anything would be different if I had been diagnosed earlier. Or later. Is anything I do, or anything I've done, making any difference in the course of my disease?

I'm glad I "came out" about having MS. I sometimes wonder if that was such a great idea--there are a lot of misunderstandings, misconceptions, stereotypes. But I have made friends I would have never met, and have been able to "be there" for others who are dealing with it, even indirectly, in their life.

My lunch date (on of my MS peeps!) cancelled on me and I had not brought lunch. Given my experiences last few days, I was not excited by the prospect of going out to find lunch. I thought how easy it used to be to just go out and grab a sandwich and/or a salad. Now it's a major undertaking. The questions I have to ask. The checking with the kitchen they have to do. The chance that I won't be able to eat after going through all that. The chance that I'll eat and then feel like crap.

I used to go to Bertha's for my quick lunch, so I decided to call to see what their current soups are. Today is tomato, and they make it there, no broth (yeast), no gluten, no dairy. So I went for soup and mixed greens salad with balsamic vinaigrette. I also had passion fruit ice tea and Dirty brand sweet potato chips (g/f). They had to bring me a second bowl of soup because they forgot and put the pesto garnish in the bowl.

I went next door to Smarty Pants to see if I had any credit and look at a small part of their selection. I chose size 8 dresses and medium and large bikini swimsuits. Some of the dresses were too big but I got two and then got two bikinis and an ASU beanie hat and a pink belt that is exactly what I thought I needed with my black and white dress that I've worn with pink shoes. I did not ask about my credit. I didn't even think about it until hours later.

Unless I'm reacting to something else, I'm still having some reactions to whatever has been causing me issues the last couple days. I can't believe how many times I've been in the bathroom. But I'm finally feeling better-ish when I go home.

I'm trying to turn over my garden, in part, so I pulled out all my swiss chard, checked on my bell peppers that seem to be doing really well finally, see that I have a lot of huge eggplants that don't look like they are doing so well--maybe it's just too hot--it's such a waste, and harvested some basil from one of my plants. I need to get the other and the chives tomorrow if I can get to it. I haven't even checked the second garden but, although it's pretty neglected, I'm pretty sure there's a little harvest in there too.

Since my system has been a little wonky the past few days, I decided to go for something that I don't think makes me sick--chicken sausage, garbanzo beans, sweet potatoes, g/f pasta. I was out of marinara, so I used a can of pizza sauce and a can of tomato sauce, and added some seasoning and fresh basil. It turned out pretty well. Mick went back for seconds!

I decided to have a little coconut milk ice cream and grabbed the first one I saw in the freezer. It was chocolate hazelnut. I tried to stop eating it a couple of times but ended up eating the whole frickin pint. It was very good. Oh, so good. And then I felt overstuffed. And uncomfortable. And I went to bed and had trouble going to sleep because I was uncomfortable. Why do I do this to myself? WTH is wrong with me!?

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