DRAFT TODAY, POST TOMORROW: Some posts may be in draft status until I (aka procrastinator extraordinaire) get around to posting them.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Bad attitude

I haven't felt well for a couple days, but seem to be feeling better today.  I was super tired since we stayed up late smoking ribs.  Mick wasn't done with them until around 5, but I went to bed earlier.  Based on our conversation and his awesomeness, he had been careful about cross-contamination, starting with the rubs and sauces and the placement of the ribs in the smoking rack.  He labeled each rack of ribs when they were done so that I would know if I could have them or not.  All of the ribs got a rub, either spicy or not, which were all safe for me.  Two stayed dry and four had sauce: one Masterpiece (not safe; also not good in my opinion--let's blame that on my Texas blood), one with a sauce that he picked up at the BBQ Fest recently (not safe), one that I picked up (safe), and one that I made.

After our limited sleep, we went bowling and I took my right handed ball, the yellow ball that I love but stopped using because my right shoulder has been giving me trouble.  I couldn't bowl left-handed since my left thumb is still bandaged from the other day when I tried to slice it with a mandolin.  I did okay, but had trouble figuring out where my starting point and mark were.

The girls decided to leave a little early for a Total Wine run; they wanted to try to make this blueberry lemon drop-ish drink that A had recently.  We got a few things and headed to the house.

We checked out the garden and picked out some lettuce, radishes, tomatoes, celery, cilantro and parsley for the salad and guacamole, and mint for the tea.  Some of my tomatoes are finally getting normal sized and I have an artichoke developing on my humongous artichoke plant.  I have started watering the second garden now when I can, so maybe it will fill in.

While we were prepping in the kitchen, Mick, a couple of his relatives, and his friends arrived.

Mick started putting the ribs on cookies sheets to go in the oven.  His friend wrote down which ribs were which.  I thought that was really cool, so I said "thanks for keeping me safe."  Someone said something softly about "can you eat them since they will be in the same oven?"  I didn't say anything to him, but I really think I should have.  The problem is that I wouldn't have said what I should have said.  So instead, I whispered to my friend that I could NOT believe that he said that.  And I held the rest inside.

We were chopping veggies and making drinks and all that kitchen stuff, and then we ate, all of us around the table.

Mick packaged the leftover ribs, some for us and some for the helpers who had purchased half of them for us to smoke.

I watched "Say Anything" with my friends and Mick watched some WWE movie that was apparently really, really bad with everyone else.  I haven't seen "Say Anything" in a long time and I guess even then it was probably just parts.  It has some good parts; it's not a great movie but I love it.  (Later, after everyone left, Mick and I watched Hot Tub Time Machine and it was not great but better than expected.)

It was pretty hot, so I was surprised at how much time relative spent with the garden, but grateful that he did it, as I wouldn't be able to and I don't know that Mick would.

At the end of the day, Mick said that he was really disappointed with my bad attitude.  Yeah, we got to it.  In addition, he was upset that I had said something to my friends that he didn't think was appropriate, repeated something that we had talked about.  He couldn't remember what but I'm pretty sure I know what after thinking about it a little.  He made a hypothetical suggestion that really floored me and I definitely repeated it.  I'm always a little surprised when he doesn't want me to repeat something to friends when he repeats everything to his friends unless I specifically say, don't repeat this.  And my very late recognition of this issue has caused some issues between me and them over time that are likely not fixable.  And now I have a bad attitude.

I have a bad attitude because I don't want to get sick from eating something made in my own house.  (Like it's not bad enough that I get sick so much when I eat elsewhere.)  I have a bad attitude for lots of reasons.

Is admitting it the first step?  Yes, I have a bad attitude.  I'm upset, emotional, angry, and I don't know how to get out of this place.  This is not who I want to be.  This is not how I want to be.  I would never want someone to think that I am that person, the person with a bad attitude.  But I am.  I am that person.  I am that person with the bad attitude.

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