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DRAFT TODAY, POST TOMORROW: Some posts may be in draft status until I (aka procrastinator extraordinaire) get around to posting them.



Saturday, June 18, 2011

You do pick your family. When you get married.

We recently saw the most recent installment of Meet the Parents/Give a Fockers, whatever it is called.  I must say, I have great in-laws.  Okay, there are definitely some quirks and craziness, but in the overall scheme of things, we love each other and I'm happy they are my family.  They make me laugh, even when they don't mean to.  (They might not think that is good, but I think it is!)  Most of the things that "bother" me (that's not really the right word, but I don't what is....) are because of my family/life experience that has horribly tarnished my soul, clashing with their weirdly perfect family.  Yes, I know they aren't perfect, but bear with me.

My parents have been married four times each.  In my dad's defense, the marriages are getting longer.  My mom is divorced from her fourth husband.  I heard a rumor about a fifth but she isn't with that guy and I'm not sure if they ever married.  My husband's parents have been married 45 years.  To. Each. Other.

My maternal grandmother made my life hell while I lived with her for 8 years.  His mom spoils the grandkids to the point of making other awesome grandparents roll their eyes.  (I'm guessing--I've never seen it, but really.  The oldest thinks he gets a present every time he sees grandma.  And it's often.)

I don't ask my family for anything.  They either don't have it or wouldn't give it to me anyway.  More likely, they would ask for something from me.  Yes, that has happened.  Requested with a document stating it was a gift, not a loan.  His dad paid for our home improvement projects as a loan while we were paying two mortgages, then gifted the loan balance to us.  (Disclaimer: my paternal grandparents are awesome and would help if I asked, but I wouldn't because everyone in the family asks. And expects.  And I think that's kinda crappy.)

My mom never contacts me, so I reciprocate.  I'm the kid, I can be petty if I want to be petty. Yeah, you thought I said pretty. Hey, I'm grateful that my parents chose to have me--I'm generally glad I was born, but they both missed most of my childhood--although my dad has made an effort to have an adult relationship.  My mom got upset that I didn't send a Christmas card one year.  That was the year I sent New Year's cards to everyone, including her.  I know that she is special, but that year kicked my ass and everyone else felt lucky to get anything at all.  My husband talks to his parents several times a week.  I sometimes think he's talking to himself, and then realize he's on the phone.  Again.  It's like having a teenage girl in the house, but without the angst (most of the time).  And he tells them everything.  Unless I say: don't tell anyone THIS.  Including your parents.  (Usually followed by a "why?" from him.  Um, learn to censor.  I'm just venting so don't offend people by making them think I really feel this way.)  I don't think it's bad, it's just not who I am; it's so unfamiliar and foreign.

When we were engaged, my husband was told repeatedly by my sister's (now ex-) husband that he didn't know what he was getting into and he shouldn't get married and blah, blah, blah, this family, and so on.  So the four of us took a trip to Houston--where I had spent 8 years of hell, ahem, I mean my childhood--followed by a trip to Pecos to meet the family.  And the guys saw where we came from.  It didn't matter to that idiot, but I can't imagine what kind of mental horror my now-husband went through on that trip.  I imagine it was something like this story:  He had a spray tan so bronze he looked like third place.

I know he learned a lot about where I came from and how I came to be this person.  And he married me anyway.  He's a keeper.  He has great role models, celebrating 45 years of marriage.  And that's family values.

2 comments:

  1. And even on the days you hate him, I have a feeling you will also see 45 years. And we'll celebrate that day with you because we love you. No matter how you were raised. After all, you are awesome, inside and out!

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  2. I never hate him. He just gets me going sometimes. :)

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