Paying to be tortured

There are things wrong with me. But you knew that. Let me start over.

There are things wrong with my body. I don't mean that in a "OMG, I'm so ugly or flawed" kind of way but in a "my body could work SO much better, couldn't it" kind of way. Cause even a young lady like Lorde will tell you that it's okay to be flawed.

Anyway, things hurt. And don't work quite right. And all that stuff. My right shoulder pops nearly constantly. My hips, mostly on the right but not always, get stiff and pop several times a day. My left eye is twitching and the eyelid feels pinched, and both eyes alternate between dryness and watering to the point I look like I'm crying. My fingers are numb-ish. My left foot and calf are numb-ish most of the time.

In case you are new here, I say numb-ish because the area doesn't feel normal, but I can also feel it. It's like a waiting zone in between feeling and not feeling. I gather it's an MS thing, but Dr. Q thinks it's a stress thing. Well, he kind of thinks everything is a stress thing. The coming and going nature of it makes it hard to disagree with him except that...MS.

Oh, MS, you bitch. Symptoms of MS come and go. I've been thinking about this recently...and I don't want to read up on it. At what point does remitting relapsing MS become one of the other more serious types of progressive MS? The reason I'm thinking about this is because my MS doctors seems completely unconcerned with my symptoms which used to come for short periods and then go away for long periods of time but now are more here than gone. With RRMS, you generally/mostly recover from each exacerbation before the next one. One of the types of progressive MS is a progressive worsening of symptoms over time with little recovery. At what point do I throw in the towel and say I am never going to get better from these symptoms?

So I know that is a total tangent...but it gives you an idea of the worries in my (holey) brain. And then Dr. Q tells me that I'm a thinker and that stress is why I'm having all these physical symptoms. I'm paraphrasing, but I'm pretty sure he just told me to stop thinking, worrying, and being myself. :)

Today's adjustments were so effing painful. My back (which was the least of my worries) was all messed up and it hurt like hell when he was adjusting it with his activator. (An activator looks like a play gun and makes a popping sound; he does not "rack and crack" me.) My back was so tender. It's amazing to me that I don't really notice that until we're trying to fix it.

He also did that finger on the side of my face pressure thingy that hurts like some kind of medieval torture. But my eye felt so much better when I left. So much better. This is why I pay for torture. I know it's not permanent, but it helps.

Normalized

I had my labs done yesterday. I got a call today that my thyroid is "normalized" so I should continue my medication without change. That's the first time I've ever heard that word!

Back to Dr. Q

A few months ago, my appointment at the college with my naturopathic chiropractor was cancelled. Not rescheduled--cancelled. I was told to call back. If you know anything about my to-do list, you can already guess that I did not call for quite a while. When I finally called, they told me he was no longer there.

O_O

They gave me his number and I called to schedule an appointment. I had to leave a message. I was surprised when he called me back. It took a minute for me to realize it was him and another minute for him to figure out I am me.

His office location is very near my work location. It is a small office and it appears that he has no staff. I had to wait a little while he finished with someone else.

He has this interesting table that goes perpendicular to the floor. I stepped on the "plate" with my front against it and then it moves to a horizontal position. Totally freaky but yay technology. It is a higher table. It is also a wider table than used at the college.

The treatment was essentially the same. He spent a lot of time on my neck and head. Stress much?

He is running my insurance to see what they cover so I just paid a "co-pay" which will apply against my deductible. If this is cheaper than the out-of-pocket at the college, I'm going to be irritated.

Spring cleaning - Closet edition

My work environment has an interesting dress code. We wear business professional during the winter, October to May, and business casual during the summer, May to October. Additionally, we can wear jeans on Mondays (not Fridays) throughout the year.

When I lost all that weight after my food allergy and thyroid diagnoses! I had to buy clothes, especially for work, as I went down the scale. I went all the way down to 140, which is a size 6 or a small 8 for me. I didn't stay there long and headed back up the scale.

When I got up to 170 (not where I want to be, but, hey, this is where I'm at), I found myself at a size 10.  I have a closet full of clothes at varying sizes, but I could not find anything in a 10. Nothing. Well, I have some stuff that can go a couple sizes, like sweaters and Tshirts that are more fitted now!

And it was time to start dressing professionally. Huh. So I went to a couple of consignment shops to get a few slacks and jackets and ordered some dresses and cardigans online. I am reluctant to go all out because I don't want to stay at this size. On the other hand, I don't see my size changing and I like to find things that make me feel not-bloated.

A month or two ago, I remembered that my MIL had kindly given me a couple pairs of her size 10 pants when I went down the scale, and I had given them back to her when they got too big. It was weird, remembering that after several months of this nagging feeling I was forgetting something. I even talked to a few people thinking it would jog my memory. But that information had fallen into one of those holes in my brain...

Because of the multiple sizes of clothing in my closet, I'm having trouble finding an actual outfit to wear sometimes, so I I thought I should clean out my closet. There are a half dozen (at least) boxes in my closet, for Goodwill primarily, although some was just stuff that was too small I had pulled out already.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the second box and it was size 10 and some smaller size 12s. Doh. Yep, I boxed everything up and...Forgot. It. Existed. Ever. The next box was my suits! O.M.G. I have a wardrobe. Winter and summer. It needs some supplementary pieces, mostly tops, but I feel like I have an actual wardrobe now!

I'm just trying to understand how...how was the memory of those clothes, those boxes, the packing of those boxes...how was that all just GONE from my brain? I'm so perplexed. I'm sure it's my MS, although I try not to blame things on MS when I can find any other possibility. But what...what other explanation can I find?

Grassroots

I went to the farmers market on my lunch break and got some goodies, but the most important discovery was that the JH Ranch guy now sells bone broth. It's supposed to be super good for digestive issues such as I tried making it but not with much success.

After I was done, I realized that Baby Kay's (where I can't eat anymore but it was SO good) is no longer there. It was replaced by Grassroots. It seemed like a healthier version of Cajun food. The staff seemed knowledgeable about the menu and modifications for allergies so that was a good sign.

There was more modification than I was hoping would be necessary so that I could eat but the waitress helped me choose the trout and collards. It was very good and well seasoned. The collards had cabbage mixed in and it was garlicky, both of which I really liked.

That's Paleo. Whole30 compliant even!

It was kind of expensive. Since it takes some modification for me to eat here, I would probably reserve this for work lunches--when I know who I'm going to lunch with.

For dinner, I made "fried" chicken with penne and "cheese" and roasted veggies. The chicken was great, the rest was good.

Over committed. Or just another weekend.

Originally, I had committed to two things this weekend. One, I would go hiking on the east side of the valley with my friend R so we could see my friend B who I rarely get to see. Two, I would go to my college days church with my friend J and her family; the church was celebrating 50 years. That should leave me some time and energy to get stuff done, right? Uh-huh. Right.

Then a cousin died at age 39 from a heart attack or something; I hear previous drug use as a possible contributing factor. And another cousin graduated from college and was having a party. I thought that was gong to be a full weekend but it's family stuff, what could I do.

So the graduation party was not a dinner party as I thought. In fact, as I looked for the location on the invite, I realized it wasn't even a family thing. I was literally the only family invited. Wow, that was unexpected. How did that happen? So we went for a drink and I met her friends. Yeah, I don't know any of her friends. That's why I thought how did that happen... We aren't close but we see each other on most holidays. Anyway, I felt privileged and honored that she invited me.

tequila and lime juice

Mick and I left to find dinner and Tasty Thai was waking distance so we headed there. I was pretty happy with it. The waitress said everything was house made except the oyster sauce so they would leave it out of my red curry. It was very good.

Chicken curry

Mick wanted to get dessert so I asked and found out I could have the sticky rice. She recommended it and it came with (jackfruit?) since mangoes are not in season. The fruit tasted and felt a lot like mangoes but it smells terrible. The rice was amazing.

sweet

His

Hers

The next morning, I met my friend R and we drove across the valley to B's house and then out for our hike.

#cactusporn

After our hike, we picked up B's daughter and went to lunch. It was, for all of us I think, a bit frustrating trying to find somewhere I could eat. No Smashburger for me...

We went to Chipotle. I haven't been since my allergies were diagnosed. They have recently made improvements to their menu, removing soybean oil from a lot of items, so it is actually a place I can eat now. It was a crazy, awesome, and kind of embarrassing experience. When I explained my allergies, the first guy in the assembly line told the lady next to him. She asked me about everything I wanted in my bowl and she took the serving spoons out of all those items. She got clean utensils and put together my bowl. I couldn't remember if the guac was safe and the place was busy and I felt like I was holding the line up so I didn't get it but check out my lunch!

rice, beans, carnitas, salsa

On Sunday, I met my friend J for church. I didn't really know many people like she did but I came while I was in college and mostly to the evening services. There was a lunch after which I wasn't planning to eat anyway, but I was able to eat some Lay's chips. And I had a Larabar with me.

That was all exhausting so I went home and did more stuff. Then I made pizza for myself and topped it with peppers and tomatoes from the garden, olives, and some homemade sausage and "ricotta" from Food for Humans.

More predictions for this year!

Today, the eye specialist had news for me. He measured from the outside edges of my eyes and said it has decreased from 19 to 18. He said that was a good sign.

April will be the two year mark for this Graves disease so he thinks it has run is course. He wants to see me in April to be sure and we will probably be scheduling surgery at that point.

The surgery is outpatient but I would need to stay home at least one day after. He will cut my eyelid and kind of stretch out the tendon until the eyelid covets the top of my eyeball like it's supposed to.

Although any surgery, and especially anything around me eyes, makes me nervous, I am a little excited to get something fixed. Finally. I hope, though he can't guarantee, that my eyes won't feel so tired and worn out constantly anymore.