Flash bandaid

My friend and coworker Shelly passed away last Friday from melanoma cancer. It's quite upsetting and I was a little shocked when I learned of her passing on FB Friday night. I thought I was handling it pretty well.

Then I went to work this morning. Um, nope. I'm barely holding it together today. I had to call my old client who became Shel's client and returned to being my client when Shel got sick. I had to tell her "in person" about Shel's passing before my company sends out notifications. Of course she cried. I cried. I can't stop fucking crying. I get it together for a while and then it hits me again. Her services are tomorrow so I'm going to be a damn wreck.

I had my drug trial monitoring with the neurologist, Dr. T. and the care coordinator L. It was pretty uneventful I guess. My vision sucks and is more terrible on the left. My reflexes are wonky, my balance sucks, I don't have full feeling in my left foot. But I move fine, I function well enough. Dr. T reminded me during part of the exam that I don't have to be a control freak, that doctors in clinical studies are the control freaks. Uh-huh.

Yes, I have some of the issues the doctor asks about but nothing that keeps me from functioning in my life. The memory lapses that come back later are...disconcerting but...I always pass the little tests the neurologists give me! Math, check. Spelling, check. Spelling backwards, check. What were the words I asked you to remember? Oh, never mind, Dr. T didn't do that one.

L started laughing when she got the bandaid for my blood draw. It had the character Flash on it. Sweet! I love Big Bang Theory. :)

#nerdalert

That was pretty close to the highlight of my day. I also chatted with M and talked with my sister so that helps some with my sadness. I'm so sad. I can't get stuck in this but I'm not fighting it until after tomorrow.

I'm going to be visiting my sister soon so I'm keeping my eye on that--the light at the end of the tunnel I guess.

...there are so many good days ahead, if you know where to look and if you remember all the wonderful people in your tribe, or community, or house. --thebloggess