DRAFT TODAY, POST TOMORROW: Some posts may be in draft status until I (aka procrastinator extraordinaire) get around to posting them.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Wait what was the question

This week, Jimmy Fallon had a segment on The Tonight Show called Wait What Was The Question?

I had one of those today.

At happy hour, a friend I haven't seen in a few months came to join us so I was sitting between two friends and across the table was a woman I have met but don't know at all. I was telling my friends about my terrible experience at Jewel's recently. Happy hour was at Majerle's so I sneaked in food from Five Guys. The lady started questioning the whole concept that I cannot eat at Majerle's and that I couldn't eat the salad that had edamame on it since I could "just" pick it off.

I often get questioned by "innocent bystanders" about my dietary choices so I would like to think I'm used to it and can handle it. However, it felt like this lady was interrogating me. It was kind of all the conversations I run into rolled into one.

After some back and forth, she said I could have "a little" as part of her idea that I can take edamame or croutons off a salad. Of course I can't have "a little." As much as I don't want to talk about body functions while sitting at a table where people are eating and drinking, I explained that eating something on my list would give me diarrhea for four days. Most often, the D word will be the end of the conversation because really, who wishes a week of diarrhea on anyone?

But no. Diarrhea is not a deterrent for this lady.

I've read entire rants on Celiac websites and gluten free blogs about this "a little" idea, where they often compare gluten (for someone who can't have it, obviously--not for everyone) and rat poison. So I asked her if she could eat a little rat poison.

I actually thought before I said it...I thought, this is ridiculous and I should NOT say it. But she was pushing so much that I said it.

And she said YES.

Yes, I can ingest a little rat poison.




Are you kidding me? Did you not read that book by VC Andrews where the kids are killed with rat poison on the sugar cookies? You would willingly eat rat poison? On a regular basis?

Of course I didn't say that. I could FEEL my friend--I wasn't sure if she was willing me to shut up or she was trying not to say something.

Neither. She was trying not to laugh.

Because my question, as ridiculous as it was, no longer seemed ridiculous. A grown ass woman sat across the table from me and essentially told me that I should poison myself. Why? Because it's more convenient for someone who doesn't understand--that it is better for her that I eat without making a scene or asking for accommodations than for me to be healthy and well? Why are people's attempts to improve their health through diet so controversial and open to ridicule while it's perfectly acceptable to make yourself sick with medications?


What was the question?

Can I have "a little" wheat, soy, dairy, eggs, bananas, yeast, amaranth? Just a little? NO.

I do not understand the benefit to me at all. Because there isn't one.

What is the benefit of eating rat poison just because you can (apparently)? I'm not trying to be dramatic, and I realize I don't have anaphylactic reactions so maybe people don't take me as seriously, but I cried in pain for years while I poisoned myself without realizing what was happening. I don't see that I would make a choice to revert to that crying, sniveling, helpless state ever again. For years, I missed the quality of life that people like her take for granted, that I can never get back.

Wait, what was the question?

Would it be appropriate for me to give her some rat poison at a future happy hour? I mean, she did say she can eat it...

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