Sad

The hardest part of divorce may be losing friends. Of course, some friends have loyalties to the one they knew first. I expected that, although most of his friends and family have kept me on social media. I expect this could be an issue at some point but I don't have a solution yet.

I was most surprised by friends I had, who were not really close friends, who stepped up, supported me and my decision, and really encouraged me to blossom and grow and thrive.

But I am most saddened by the friends I lost over the last year and a half. The ones I kept investing effort into after they started doing or saying shitty things. And then THEY (for the most part) decided we weren't friends anymore.

It makes me feel as though *I* was the shitty friend. But all I did was stand up for myself, or at least not let someone run all over me.

My loving friends remind me that some people have only seen me as this person who does what is expected and takes it, no matter what *it* is. And maybe some people can't be friends with someone who decides to actively pursue happiness. Because that is a person who is not going to put up with your bullshit.

Or maybe they just liked me when I could be miserable with them or entertain them with stories of how miserable my life was.

But each time, I realize that this person, who was my friend for X years, and was with me through certain times, this person has decided my friendship is not important to them. And I want to run after them and say, wait, I can make it work!

But they have already told me that I am not important to them. Through their uncaring petty comments, by missing dates with me, by only seeing me when I reach out--if it's convenient or they don't have better offers, by never inviting me or contacting me, by giving me their big news on social media, by deleting me as a friend from their social media. By supporting my ex, however subtly. My eyes are open; I see you and your actions. Or inactions.

I want to be that person who doesn't care. I don't care enough to be a doormat, or to be on call at someone's whim, for a friend, or to stay married to my ex and his parents. But I care. I understand how these people I loved feel about me.

I am not important.

Just venting

I went to the eye clinic this morning. I was there for two hours. It was overwhelming and sucky; it was maybe beneficial. Tests were done. Treatment options and the huge cost to me were discussed. The plug was removed from a gland in my left eye but the one in the right was not removed.

I didn't fall apart till I left.

I. Am. So. Tired.

I'm tired of sleeping - not enough because I can't, or enough, or more than enough, and in all cases, still feeling bone weary exhausted.

I'm tired of appointments and tests and treatments with no real benefit.

I'm tired of spending So Much Fucking Money on my health.

I'm tired of making decisions about what to try next or what to skip altogether.

I'm tired of being a guinea pig.

I'm tired of doctors who don't know me after years of seeing me.

I'm tired of eating "right" and still fighting my digestive system.

I'm tired of thinking I should or could do more (I should do that diet and figure out what *else* I can't eat).

I'm tired of collecting diseases.

I'm tired of fighting but it's all I know.

#justventing #FML #MSwarrior #MSismybitch #Iamenough #NoOneTalksAboutGravesDisease #lostmythyroidhaveyouseenit #MSsucksballs #autocorrecthatesfucking #butIlookgood #outofspoons #allergicgirl

Of good courage

Your verse is:

Deu 31:6

Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

Supine

I can't get up. There's a dog pinning me down. I got a lot done today but now I'm exhausted.

"Lying down is a perfectly good position to be in. I quite recommend it."

Classy

Hrm.

You are a:

Classy Wife

You are truly a class act. Both inside and out, you are amazingly beautiful. You have an undeniably jovial nature that always gives off radiant happiness wherever you go. You are a perfect treat that always stays delightful no matter how much time passes by. And believe it or not, you have some of the most contagious smiles. Your significant other must be incredibly grateful for you!

Saddle Mountain Brewery

Last night, we went to our neighbor's grand opening. As I understand it, this is the first brewery to open in Goodyear. The service was terrible but it looks promising and hopefully they will work it all out. Mick invited our friend M, which surprised me since he doesn't drink (and some other reasons outside the scope of this blog), but it is a restaurant too. My SIL called and said Dr. Q told her to go out with me this weekend so I invited her too since Mick had already invited M. YES, my doctor told my SIL, who I sent to him, to go out with me.

I had sweet tea and a bunless burger with a "bare" side salad. My dinner came much later than everyone else's (pretty sure they messed it up and had to remake it) so I forgot to take a photo. The salad actually came first but since it had no dressing, I thought I'd wait. It was spring mix and spinach with cranberries and tomatoes. I finally decided I couldn't wait and ate most of by the time my burger arrived. The salad and burger were good. I think Mick and M really liked their pizzas and my SIL liked her sandwich. M and my SIL got a flight of beers and found one they both liked.

Even with the service hiccups, we had fun. They came back to our house to hang out a little before heading home.

Yep!

Today, I got my hair color done--wash those grays away! I mentioned to a couple people, including Mick, that I was thinking of going a little redder. Since I have some red undertones anyway, my hairdresser said she wanted to mix my old brown color in with the redder color this time, see how it takes, and then go all with the new color next time. It turned out fantastic.

When I came home, he told me he doesn't like the color. WTH. Can a wife get a muther-effin compliment in here? (The answer to that is NO, in case you don't know.)

Update: I have a photo on tomorrow's post if you want to see the color. No compliments necessary. I got them from M (who knew I was having it done) and my coworker/friend J (who did not know I was getting it done.)

Update 2: I sent Mick the free head shot I got at my recent conference and he replied with a comment about "hottie" so apparently I CAN get a muther-effin compliment! A little more often would be nice but I guess that's what I have friends for.

Sprinkles

Our office admin sent a cute email today about our upcoming birthday celebration. It even had a photo of a Minion. We're ordering cupcakes from Sprinkles.

Well, that's a bummer. I mean, I never get to take part in the food stuff anyway, but the admin actually came into my office and get my order. She was pretty sure I could have something. So I looked it up and they don't list ingredients but they do have a gluten-free cupcake and a vegan cupcake. She thought vegan meant also gluten-free, so just an FYI, y'all, um, vegans don't eat animal products but they can have wheat, um-kay. Somewhere between a combination of those two, I might be able to have a cupcake, but alas, never shall the two be combined.

I guess I'll make a trip to Gluten Free Creations Bakery to pick up my own cupcakes so I don't feel totally left out. FML. It never fucking stops. It will never fucking stop. This is my life, for the rest of my life. Will I ever get over the sadness of it all?

Logic vs logic

I don't know if it's a gender thing or an engineer/non-engineer thing but some days...being married is at best, amusing and at worst, frustrating.

 

Before telling this story, I want to remind you that I'm married to a great guy who is my friend and is there for me when it counts. (Exhibit A: blog post last week describing the tea incident. He took care of everything while trying to keep me from becoming really upset about the whole situation.)

 

A few weeks ago, I was no longer able to print from my laptop. He suggested I was still connected to the VPN (work network) but I knew I wasn't. I didn't argue.

 

About a week later, I complained again that I couldn't print. He ignored it.

 

Again, I complained. Again I was ignored.

 

Then we needed to return a pan to Amazon that I had ordered for him. It was supposed to be a fryer pan but when he and his dad used it on the (thankfully not in my kitchen) outdoor burner, it leaked oil out of the bottom. FOR REAL! It's unbelievable; I've never heard of such a thing but he said there were some reviews that had said that, although most did not.

 

So I needed went to Amazon to get the return label. They allow the return label to be sent to another email address so I sent it to Mick to print. THEN he wanted to know why I couldn't print it and FINALLY looked at my laptop.

 

He tries to claim that I have problems because I keep too many tabs open. Unfortunately, most of the tabs I had open at that time were things I was waiting to print out!

 

After about an hour, he was finally able to fix my computer and I can print.

 

And he says, you should really take care of things as soon as you know there is a problem instead of letting it get this bad.

 

O_O

 

Like I have been sitting on this problem and never told him! Gah! WTH.

 

But now I can print. And I have permission/directives from him to text him the things I need done by him. Yes, I text my husband when I need things done. What has this world come to... (I'm old. Get off my lawn.)

Even Google wishes me a happy birthday

Of course, Google knows everything, so it's not that unexpected!

No tea for you

In preparation for having two small parties on consecutive weekends, I wanted to spend this weekend making the house somewhat presentable. The main issues as I see them are making sure the dog bedding and blankets are clean (for people with allergies), the bathrooms aren't disgusting, and the common areas are picked up. The kitchen is also a priority but always an ongoing project!

Mick generally takes care of the floor and the outside stuff.

I planned on using Sunday for cooking for the week, prep for next weekend, maybe some grocery shopping...

It took me all day Saturday to wash all the dog bedding and various blankets, change the sheets on my bed, and clean the bathrooms. I also had kitchen things to do such as clean out the dog food bin for a new bag of dog food, wash dishes, run the dishwasher, make meals and eat and clean up...never-ending.

Mick and his family made fried fish for lunch. I was involved although I couldn't eat it. Don't ask. I made myself a pizza as consolation. At least he figured out it was a lot more work than was feasible for a party. I think.

We also figured out that you can't freeze onions and then use them for onion rings. Frozen onions become very soggy. They can only be used as "diced" onions in cooked recipes.

I made some sun tea and was thinking about transferring the tea to another container later to make some sweet tea. But while I was making dinner, I managed to drop the whole glass jar of tea out of the fridge. My hands just stopped working. I hate when that happens but I'm usually more on guard for it and this one just totally caught me by surprise so I didn't have any back up plan. It just fell on the tile and busted.

Poor Mick was such a good honey. He told me to stop crying and to stay put while he picked up glass and brought me some shoes. He mopped it up and just had me take the rugs outside when he was done in those areas.

And YES, I cry when these things happen. I hate that I have control of things one moment and then no control over my body the next. And I was tired and hungry and ready to relax and then had this major detour because my hands don't work.

So I have no tea. And I have no jar in which to make my tea. FML.

I felt like I was pretty productive until that point. That was kind of the end.

Sunday, I woke up with a painful left shoulder again. I tried to take it easy and occasionally stretch it. Midday, it started to pop very painfully but it felt a little better after each time. By the end of the day, it was just sore. I had done very little all day, just some reading and minor picking up and watching the Lord of the Rings marathon on AMC like we don't have it on DVD.

While I was reading thekitchn, I ran across their tour of the Lodge cast iron factory which (again? I don't remember if I had heard this for certain or not) confirms that they use a soy-based seasoning. So I have to strip and reseason all my cast iron pans. Just another thing on the list, right?

When it started to get towards dark, I went out to pick weeds from the gardens. I made a big dent in the weed population a few days ago but it's a terrible battle that I'm losing and I have absolutely no backup in this fight. Unless you count that sometimes others throw out the stuff in my buckets for me. I thought from a comment Mick made on Friday that maybe there had been some help but then I saw that was not the case. Oh well. I keep working on it and they keep coming back in giant patches.

I also pulled a lot out of the raised garden to start prepping for the fall garden. It started raining so I put the kitchen rugs out for a rain bath. Mick thinks that doesn't make sense but these are old cheap rugs that I can't put through the wash so they are just filthy from the dogs. Rain is better than no washing in my opinion.

I made another halibut recipe and Mick didn't like it. To be fair, I fucked it up by spilling the salt when I was measuring it so it was kinda gross but he didn't like it anyway because it was green. He would prefer that I stick with the one I made that he liked and never try any other. Sigh. It's so awesome being married to someone who eats like he is still in elementary school. Yes, I blame his parents. Yes, they know it. Yes, they agree.

I still had a lot to do that I didn't but I just don't feel like I can motivate myself any further. Are all productive days followed by mostly non-productive ones or is that just me?

So that Sunday list up top, I did mostly none of it. That means I have to make my breakfast sausages on Monday night (so the pork doesn't go bad), the sorbet and cantaloupe puree on Tuesday, the seasonings on Wednesday, the infused tequila on Thursday, the infused vodka on Friday (I can't do that one any earlier since it has strawberries), and the rest on Saturday. I also have a round of grocery stores to hit this week since I can't get everything at any one. Wish me luck!

Letting my Southern show

I said "putting lipstick on a pig" today. In my outside voice, y'all! Yeah, I said it out loud. I think my Southern is showing more as I age.

Consider this your warning! We're giving out cocktails over here...

Health Notes

You know there's nothing good to say when I have a post just about my health. You're welcome to skip it!

via thebloggess via Pinterest

I'm bloated. I'm uncomfortable. It comes and goes but mostly comes and doesn't go. I feel fat. I'm gaining weight. I'm eating less and gaining weight. I'm eating less because I feel blechy in my tummy. I don't feel hungry or I'm ravenous, and not much in between. When I am hungry, I'm not hungry for anything in particular--everything sounds meh.

Smelling someone else's food I can't have sometimes pulls me out of it but for the most part, I've felt crappy for a couple weeks. It's making me grumpy. I'm hoping I'm not being super-irritable. But I probably am....

Every other day, or more, I look pregnant, I'm so bloated. I'm not eating things I'm not supposed to eat so I don't understand what is happening. I'm up to 180 now. I want to cry. Or punch something. Or both. It fucking sucks.

And I get to function like a normal person in my life. Cause really, no one cares. No one wants to hear about it. The people who care, they think they do, but really, who wants to hear this shit every day? Literally, this shit. Of course, I'm having trouble in that area. Nothing, then everything. Over and over. It's the old cycle.

I haven't developed all the pain issues I used to have but I definitely am feeling some of it. And...I'm terrified. It makes me sad to write that but...

I'm getting the familiar pulling in my lowlow back, down my left leg, making it difficult to walk normally. So I overcompensate and then my right leg hurts and people want to know why I'm limping. Now both my knees hurt and I have shooting pain down my left butt and leg. Yay.

That is a weird combination with the numbness. Mostly in my left foot and calf but it comes and goes other places too. And of course in my fingers. Sometimes my hands. It's not total numbness--I can still feel but it's not...right. It's distracting. And sometimes things slip. Or I can't open something that should be easy. It's tiring.

And my neck hurts. And my head. I'll wake up with a headache. This is why I'll never be a morning person. When you wake up with a headache, sleep is so much better than anything...anything else. A bath, adult beverages, sex , bacon...none of it is more appealing than sleep. I know, sucks to be my husband, right?

My chiropractor gave me hand exercises for my weakness. And I've started doing yoga again. (Mick couldn't believe I paid for the DVD sets for Namaste Yoga but it's not on TV anymore AND I lost the episode I had on the DVR when it was replaced.)

I don't want to be negative, but I don't think anything is working. I'm discouraged. I'm fighting hard to stay away from that bitch, depression. But I am...worn down. Sad. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. All the words I use every time....That other bitch, MS, teams up with depression and makes it all so damn hard.

In case that wasn't enough, my period, which comes too close together anyway, came early. I can't even get three full weeks in between periods and it fucking comes early! WTF. FML.

I suck at life

I don't know where my day turned but I'm ending feeling stabby.
 

I felt super hungry all day and hadn't planned for it since I wasn't so much the day before. After eating a small microwave lunch (Bistro moroccan turkey), I ate half a bag of sweet chili chips. So not good. For my waistline. Totally good in my mouth.
 

I haven't been to the gynecologist since whenever that was that I had the herpes outbreak that they decided wasn't herpes after I thought I had it since I was...well, my boyfriend--the first guy I lived with--got it and he hadn't been with anyone else ever and I had the symptoms as long as I could remember so I was diagnosed in a round about way...but then undiagnosed. I'm guessing that was a couple years ago because I was supposed to get a mammogram and never scheduled it.
 

Anyway, I finally scheduled my well-woman exam. I can't remember the last time I had a male doctor for this. I had trouble finding the office since I have no idea what I did with my note. At least I remembered to fill out the paperwork yesterday.
 

I found the office and waited a while. I liked the doctor. He came in to meet me and talk and then came back after I changed into that stylish paper outfit we all know and love. Or something.
 

The good news is that he said everything looks normal.

The meh news is that he said that herpes test can confirm a diagnosis but not rule it out so I probably do have it.
 

The bad news is that I'm totally disgusting. I mean, he said it is common but...I mentioned the two round spots I have below my bra line. I was planning to see a dermatologist because they are getting bigger and actually ran into each other. He said it sounded fungal and when he saw it he said it is probably ringworm.
 

What?! I'm walking around with fucking ringworm for a hella long time! He told me ringworm is more commonly flaky and on the surface (yep, I had that once a LONG time ago) but this was deeper version. I "get" to use my extra yeast infection lotion--you know the little tube that comes with the actual yeast medicine application--for a few weeks on the spots. O. M. G. I'm smearing hoo-ha cream on my torso. FML.
 

So now I don't have to go to the dermatologist but I still need to go for my mammogram. Y. A. Y.
 

On the way home, I stopped at Sam's Club. I needed something but I couldn't remember what so I walked around. I found what I came for and some groceries and stuff.
 

Now, if you shop at Sam's, you know they take debit but not Visa. Except at the had pump. Weirdos.
 

I recently got a new card from my bank and put it in my wallet. Except that now that I was at the register I realized I had replaced my debit card with a new credit card. So I had the old and new credit cards but no debit card. Well shit.
 

I had some cash so I took what I could pay for and left. Upset of course. What the hell is wrong with me?! I wanted to get home to find the card I had set aside to shred. Thankfully our shredder died a long time ago so I still had the card.
 

You'll never guess where it was.

I put it in the money part of my wallet when I activated the new card. Yep.
 

I had the debit card with me the whole time. I. Am. Awesome.
 

I suck at life.
 

I suck at photos too.

What I wore

 

What I ate (Lundberg rice with Applegate sausage)

Review me

My supervisor gave me some very positive feedback about how essential I am. It's such a great thing to hear after feeling so overwhelmed for so long. I'm still overwhelmed, but at least I know that my accomplishments and contributions for the team are appreciated.

Update: she also wrote her positive feedback for my file. And then someone higher up had to rain on my parade by bringing up my negotiated hours are less than the normal requirement. Even though I was over my negotiated number of hours this past year. WTF. No respect.

Update again: Someone else high up gave me some (almost giddy) positive feedback about a solution I implemented after identifying one of those annoying issues that most people ignore but I was finally too annoyed and came up with a plan, got it approved, implemented it, revised it and documented it. Cause that's I roll, y'all. Getting things done, biatches.

Almost done

I had my final visit with the eye doctor who did my surgery.

 

My primary concerns at this point were that I can see a stitch in the corner of my eye, I still have a little inflammation, and my eyelashes point down.

 

My last questions were if I can wear makeup, go swimming, stop wearing gel and an eye mask at night, and if I will be able to wear contacts again.

 

Yes, as soon as that last inflammation is gone, I can wear makeup. I can start using an eyelash curler since my eyelashes point down (and that won't change--boo.)

 

He tried taking the stitches out that aren't dissolving but they are flaking apart so I have to use a hot compress and wait for them to come out.

Not identical but so much better. (post-curling)

For the most part, he says, yes, I can do all those things. Except the contacts--he said wait until the cooler weather in the fall and then see my normal eye doctor to decide. They may have me do a trial period before making a final decision and he didn't want me to do it during the summer as that could set me up for failure. Hmm.

 

I'm grateful that things are better, that I can see, but I can't gloss over this...

 

It totally f-ing sucks that I have to go through two years of waiting and dealing with the effects of Graves disease and still have to look at myself. EVERY. DAMN. DAY. For the rest of my life, and see what these diseases have dealt me. Little things that maybe other people won't notice but will always be issues for me. The permanence is disheartening.

Too much food

It never (almost never?) happens to me. Most places modify so many things right off my plate that I get less food than I pay for. A few places give me enough (of the right types of) food to feel full and satisfied.

I've liked my few visits to Flower Child near my office. It doesn't look like a lot of did but it's a good combination of protein and veggies and sweet potato so it usually works for me. (Some days, I'm extra hungry. I don't know why. It just happens that I'm starving all day.)

Today I tried the soup, a bean and vegetable with a tomato base. I had the chicken with 2 sides instead of 3. Wow.

Flower Child lunch

The soup is filling. I took part of my plate to go. I can't even remember the last time I did that. Every place people usually end up with leftovers are the places that give ask the filler did I can't have. So I eat ask my food and leave empty handed.

I can't believe I'm writing about something so mundane. But there it is. My life. Reduced to something everyone takes for granted and I don't experience anymore.

I have leftovers!

thought it was cute but not so sure...

For dinner, I made zucchini noodles (zoodles) using my spiralizer with marinara chicken and green beans. The chicken was too shredded for this dish so I wasn't thrilled but it was alright.

And leftovers for lunch...

Must have been a rough weekend

I have been to the toilet three times already today. No wonder I felt so meh yesterday. I'm trying to think of what I ate. Was it the point of gluten free cookies and cream ice cream? The beef tacos? The blueberry coconut milk yogurt? The Friday night beverage of pineapple coconut juice with 1800 coconut tequila? The waffles, nectarines and sausage? The orange juice?

Could it be, as my naturopathic doctors suggest, stress related? Now that I've decided not to blog about people, it may seem that I have no stress, but in reality, I still hate people. I hate the stupid things they do, the way they don't own up to it, the excuses, trying to cover it up.

I hate that I am supposedly intimidating. That being intimidated by me is not viewed as a ploy, a deception, a manipulation.

I hate this game. The what is wrong with me game. It's tiring. Unending. Ridiculous.

Maybe it's time to detox. That might work on the food issues but not as likely on the people issues.

If only.

I've made comments to my hubby about the time he will be gone and I'll be home alone for 5 days. Yeah, I probably shouldn't let him in on how much I'm looking forward to my alone time. And it's not that I don't want him around obviously! It's complicated and probably beyond explanation here. The best I can do is say I have more control and less uncertainty. (In case you don't know me IRL, I should clarify this is not really related to my DH but some peripheral consequences of our life. Cryptic much?!)

Reasons I can't sleep--harvesting corn edition

Last year, we had a massive amount of corn and the majority was harvested while I was at work. And for that, I am truly grateful. I can not overstate how grateful. I'd rather clean raw chicken--one of those tasks I do because I like to eat, but seriously, it's so gross. I need a sous chef. 

 

I have to digress a moment here (like I wasn't already!) and say, why does my phone suggest chicken-easy when I swipe the word chicken? What is chicken-easy? Is it a late night club for chickens? Is the bloggess' metal chicken Beyonce there?

thebloggess via pinterest

Anyhoo...

 

Mick and his dad just picked the corn and Mick asked me to shuck it. I was kind of avoiding it because we had some issues with those green worm things last year but...

 

Our harvest was small. And the corn is small. And at least a third had the tale tell sign of worm damage. Some were dead--we did such a terrible job growing corn that we couldn't even keep the worms alive. The only live green worm I saw was buried in. (top cob in photo) And there was a giant mauve worm. (in between cobs in photo) And then smaller pink worms near the tops of some cobs. (bottom cob in photo)

 

Apparently my phone does not like the word worm. It keeps changing it or offering suggestions for anything else. I hear ya but that's what they are, okay?

 

I took a photo for your viewing pleasure. We can have insomnia together.

I did not keep these...

I may have to stop Facebooking

People are driving me crazy on The Facebook.

I am so tired of all the CRAP people post. Just tell me what is going on with you. Maybe share a nice photo or tell me something funny. Not what makes a cute relationship, not how to win anything, not a photo of Bill Gates promising you money, not your daily horoscope. Facebook is not your recipe binder. Oh that recipe looks good to you? Then get up off your ass and make the recipe instead of posting that on Facebook.

This is coming from someone who had been told I post too many food photos. Not that I do, but that's what I've been told. Now I have Instagram for that!

I should not have posted my opinion. In the public. (Just my public, not really the whole public.) The public is not nice.

A couple of days ago, a (I had to think about the label to use here...) person we used to know but the family moved away (good? Not a friend really. But not a not friend. Or whatever.) ...posts an article bashing Phoenix. I started reading it thinking it was going to be funny, a joke. But it was just negative. And worse, a lot of it was wrong at least in my opinion.

Today, a friend posts about her gluten free baking failures. All is fun and games in the comments as they usually are with her group of friends. And then...

Some recipes just should not be changed. Gluten free-ers eat something else!

Grr.

Spring cleaning - Closet edition

My work environment has an interesting dress code. We wear business professional during the winter, October to May, and business casual during the summer, May to October. Additionally, we can wear jeans on Mondays (not Fridays) throughout the year.

When I lost all that weight after my food allergy and thyroid diagnoses! I had to buy clothes, especially for work, as I went down the scale. I went all the way down to 140, which is a size 6 or a small 8 for me. I didn't stay there long and headed back up the scale.

When I got up to 170 (not where I want to be, but, hey, this is where I'm at), I found myself at a size 10.  I have a closet full of clothes at varying sizes, but I could not find anything in a 10. Nothing. Well, I have some stuff that can go a couple sizes, like sweaters and Tshirts that are more fitted now!

And it was time to start dressing professionally. Huh. So I went to a couple of consignment shops to get a few slacks and jackets and ordered some dresses and cardigans online. I am reluctant to go all out because I don't want to stay at this size. On the other hand, I don't see my size changing and I like to find things that make me feel not-bloated.

A month or two ago, I remembered that my MIL had kindly given me a couple pairs of her size 10 pants when I went down the scale, and I had given them back to her when they got too big. It was weird, remembering that after several months of this nagging feeling I was forgetting something. I even talked to a few people thinking it would jog my memory. But that information had fallen into one of those holes in my brain...

Because of the multiple sizes of clothing in my closet, I'm having trouble finding an actual outfit to wear sometimes, so I I thought I should clean out my closet. There are a half dozen (at least) boxes in my closet, for Goodwill primarily, although some was just stuff that was too small I had pulled out already.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the second box and it was size 10 and some smaller size 12s. Doh. Yep, I boxed everything up and...Forgot. It. Existed. Ever. The next box was my suits! O.M.G. I have a wardrobe. Winter and summer. It needs some supplementary pieces, mostly tops, but I feel like I have an actual wardrobe now!

I'm just trying to understand how...how was the memory of those clothes, those boxes, the packing of those boxes...how was that all just GONE from my brain? I'm so perplexed. I'm sure it's my MS, although I try not to blame things on MS when I can find any other possibility. But what...what other explanation can I find?