September update

Oh, the things that happened this month:

• birthday party for my niece's daughter
• Labor Day swimming at my cousin's
• (always) Dr. Q
• webinar on natural treatments--mostly talking about mushrooms (I don't have time for more crazy #justsaying)
• endocrinologist appointment--she was not impressed with how quickly my primary doctor reduced my thyroid meds so she asked me to come back next month for new labs; I am currently taking 100 mcg of Levothyroxine (Synthroid)
• work dinner Olive and Ivy--pretty good, and accommodating
• went to Becketts Table and it wasn't as good as I remember, kind of weird actually; a small, tasty piece of salmon on a plate of carrots and a side of green beans after I was done eating.
• went to my niece's daughter's and son's birthday party at a park

cat in a bag - tongue out Tinker

sandwich on Bread SRSLY (a gift!) #giddy

sandwich on a Bread SRSLY roll #happiness

Sleeping Cassi--but I missed the photo contest deadline

Mmm, bacon--the low sodium has a shorter ingredient list.

Fruit!

Bacon, and bacon wrapped apricots #yum

No weird ingredients--a Costco find!

The tri-tip after cooking #nomnom

roasted asparagus

My major malfunction has been the eye doctor/glasses shopping. This seems like a short, simple process for most people. However, I:

• went to the eye doctor, got a glasses prescription, 
• went to Costco and found frames, had glasses and sunglasses made, 
• picked up new glasses and sunglasses, couldn't see but they said it was the prescription,
• went back to adjust (the ear piece was painful),
• went back to the eye doctor but they just had me see one of the technicians in the front and said it was probably the coating on the lenses (#WTF), 
• went back to Costco where they checked the prescription and sent the glasses back to be remade, but not the sunglasses, 
• picked those up and still couldn't see, 
• made and had an appointment with my friend's eye doctor at another Costco, got a new prescription, 
• got my glasses and sunglasses remade, picked up the glasses first,
• picked up the sunglasses and had the glasses in for an adjustment.

I got this style of sunglasses

I still need to take the sunglasses in for adjustment as one of the arms is too loose, but seriously, who else goes through this kind of crazy to cross ONE ITEM OFF MY LIST? I cope but I hate that this is my normal. An item on my to-do list took me two months to accomplish. I can't wait to do it again next year! #Ispeaksarcasm

Break

I realize I have been MIA. I have posted once this year. And that was only a Bible verse. I have a LOT of drafts and photos that may never be posted. The perfectionist in me is not happy about this. At. All. But.

But. Oh, where to start...

My posts became more infrequent and less personal last year as I started changing my story. See, I'm a good southern girl. Marriage is forever; you only leave if he's hitting you or cheating on you. You don't leave for all the other reasons that eventually make you feel less yourself, unimportant, stressed out, out of control, and hopeless. With some help from my sister and a few patient friends who didn't tell me what to do but let me know all the important things that eventually seeped in, I changed my story.

They told me:

My happiness is as important as his. I deserve to be happy. I am worthy. I need to choose me. Love yourself. It's okay to be divorced.

Ooh, deep breath. That last one...it was hard but my sister asked how I felt about her being divorced and then why it was okay for her but not me. Damn, girl. That was what I needed to hear.

But it took me some time. I thought I could make it work. He didn't want to go to counseling. PEOPLE! If your girl or guy asks you about counseling, something is wrong. GO!

I started the new year with bronchitis. I was so sick of being sick. I was tired of getting help that wasn't helpful. I was tired of redacting my blog posts to not offend potential readers who know me IRL. I was tired of relying on my friends for support my spouse did not want to give. I was tired of his jealousy of my friends who were just trying to be there for me as I fell apart.

I decided I would make my number one priority this year my health. I would ask myself "does this support or improve my health?" I wanted to be intentional about focusing on what I could control and (trying to) let the rest go.

Focus via the Behavior Gap

There was an argument. I told him I didn't feel safe in my kitchen due to the "help" I was getting from a family member. He assured me it was my kitchen; I should feel safe. But my food allergies weren't taken seriously. A few days later...

The last straw. Some people who get my allergy issues understand this was indicative of the relationship; others only see this as the last straw. I see it as both. He cut some Velveeta, which of course I can't eat, then wiped the knife on the towel hanging on the front of the sink. The one I use for my hands. And dishes.

I questioned him and he said I should assume the towels are contaminated. Um, then I should NOT feel safe in "my" kitchen. I realized HE was an obstacle to my health.

And I was done. I started looking for a rental. Someone pressured me into scheduling counseling, even if I had to go alone. When I told him, he tried to argue that we didn't need it. He decided to go when I told him we might not need it but I'm moving out.

So he went with me.

It was enlightening. He finally heard me. He said several things that opened my eyes that we were living his life and his dreams and he ignored the things I said, the things I let him know were important, and the things I needed. And it had been this way since our first date. No wonder I was so miserable. (Don't get me wrong--there was a time we were happy. And THAT makes me the saddest of all.)

I moved out. We hired a mediator. (I hate her; don't ask for a recommendation.) He decided to take an out of state transfer for work. (His job wasn't staying here.) We sold our house--his dream house, this overwhelming weight dragging me down. We split the dogs and the stuff, with the only real debate coming from my desire to keep our piano.

While I was looking at how to improve my health, some things happened at work that concerned me. I thought I would tackle getting a new job next year but several opportunities came up and I started a new job.

I'm currently in the process of buying a house; my rental is going to be sold soon so it is time to find my permanent place.

I have worked so hard this year to take this picture of what I want my life to be and make it my reality. I'm creating my bubble.

I will share a little of my bubble with you.

Pineapple Thai chicken

I bought this sauce at the farmer's market. I like all the ingredients except some "natural" stevia.I made it with some chicken and zucchini and rice. It wasn't bad. I would probably eat it or something like it again but I don't think I'd go out of my way to buy the sauce.

Mint chocolate

Although it has some stevia, I decided to try this lovely idea: mint chocolate coconut milk. Hmm. It was...good, chocolatey, a little mint, thick like coconut milk but not as much as egg nog which I thought it was originally. The only issue that I can't get past is the aftertaste due to the stevia. I drank it but I don't think I'd buy it again.

Culinary Dropout

My company decided to do an annual birthday celebration so they could do something bigger and better without costing the firm more. The receptionist wanted to get everyone's orders ahead of time but I was still messaging with someone from the restaurant on FB by the time we went. She also had asked for cupcake orders so I went to Gluten Free Creations Bakery yesterday to get cupcakes.

Pumpkin Spice cupcakes

We went to Culinary Dropout, which is a Fox Concepts Restaurant. I generally have good luck at their restaurants so the chef talked with me and we decided I could have a burger and sauteed veggies (in olive oil.) They don't use any soybean oil. I used the mushrooms and onions on top of the burger so I didn't even need anything else like ketchup.

Looks simple, tastes good.

Culinary Dropout is one of the restaurants around The Yard so we went out there to play some games. There was cornhole, ping pong, and Foosball. I played a couple rounds of Foosball. I'm not good but it was fun! I didn't play any more after that because I was already sweating and was concerned I would be stinky. My over-sweatiness is a problem without end.

J drove back to the office so we stopped by her place to let her dogs out and I got to check out her digs. Cute place. She's making progress on her renovations.

*****

I've been going to a free weekly yoga class (it's only 8 weeks so I'm really trying to take advantage of it while it lasts.) Last week, the instructor told us it's not "zombie yoga" when she was reminding us to breathe.

Free yoga tonight included Halloween themed music. Very weird. I had a lot of trouble with my left hip popping and spasticity in my lower left leg so I wasn't able to really do some things on both sides. So annoying.

Pasta dinner

It took me a little while after I got home to get started on dinner. I had to wait for the Advil to kick in. I'm glad I didn't get my cramps during the weekend but it would be even better if I didn't have to get them at all.

Costco is selling rice pasta in a box containing 4 bags of pasta. The directions are so different from any other pasta I've cooked. It is boiled for a few minutes and then left in the hot water, burner off, for 15 minutes. I kinda messed up, forgot to stir it so it clumped, but it cooked (maybe a little too much.)

Well, it works. My dinner was yummy. And yes, that is zucchini from our garden!

Yum.

Octoberfest 2014

We had a larger group for Octoberfest this year, so in addition to my FIL driving us, dropping us off, and picking us up, we had a second driver, our friend M who lives near us and doesn't drink. And apparently is SO nice--who doesn't drink and then spends his Saturday driving drunks?

This coaster gets a big glass mug!

Someone backed out last minute so my cousin came with us. Mick wanted to be there early so it was a little bit of a slow start but we had a blast.

R bought shots. Of course.

There were lots of "saved" seats and a lot of them never filled up. We liked the signs.

I go both ways. Or do I?

I knew I wouldn't be able to eat anything or drink the beer so I brought chili, cornbread, Tito's and lemonade.

Suns Cheerleaders

Most of the group spent the night. R made breakfast. The person who had backed out of going was also supposed to go to the Cardinals game with R and his girl, so Mick was able to go instead. And I was able to spend the day relaxing.

Saddle Mountain Brewery

Last night, we went to our neighbor's grand opening. As I understand it, this is the first brewery to open in Goodyear. The service was terrible but it looks promising and hopefully they will work it all out. Mick invited our friend M, which surprised me since he doesn't drink (and some other reasons outside the scope of this blog), but it is a restaurant too. My SIL called and said Dr. Q told her to go out with me this weekend so I invited her too since Mick had already invited M. YES, my doctor told my SIL, who I sent to him, to go out with me.

I had sweet tea and a bunless burger with a "bare" side salad. My dinner came much later than everyone else's (pretty sure they messed it up and had to remake it) so I forgot to take a photo. The salad actually came first but since it had no dressing, I thought I'd wait. It was spring mix and spinach with cranberries and tomatoes. I finally decided I couldn't wait and ate most of by the time my burger arrived. The salad and burger were good. I think Mick and M really liked their pizzas and my SIL liked her sandwich. M and my SIL got a flight of beers and found one they both liked.

Even with the service hiccups, we had fun. They came back to our house to hang out a little before heading home.

Yep!

Today, I got my hair color done--wash those grays away! I mentioned to a couple people, including Mick, that I was thinking of going a little redder. Since I have some red undertones anyway, my hairdresser said she wanted to mix my old brown color in with the redder color this time, see how it takes, and then go all with the new color next time. It turned out fantastic.

When I came home, he told me he doesn't like the color. WTH. Can a wife get a muther-effin compliment in here? (The answer to that is NO, in case you don't know.)

Update: I have a photo on tomorrow's post if you want to see the color. No compliments necessary. I got them from M (who knew I was having it done) and my coworker/friend J (who did not know I was getting it done.)

Update 2: I sent Mick the free head shot I got at my recent conference and he replied with a comment about "hottie" so apparently I CAN get a muther-effin compliment! A little more often would be nice but I guess that's what I have friends for.

The Lagasse Girls

I received this gift from my generous coworker. I hope to find a few things I can make. I should look at my old Emeril Lagasse cookbooks and see if I can make anything from those....

Hodgson Mill cornbread mix

I made chili using a couple of pounds of the ground elk from Mick's hunt. I decided to try a cornbread mix I picked up at Albertsons. This is Hodgson Mills; I used egg replacer for the two eggs. I accidently only made enough for one replacement egg and then had to add the second one last minute. 

I made them as muffins.

It wasn't bad but a little denser than I like. I think I would use applesauce for one of the eggs next time, and maybe a double amount of applesauce so it would be less dry.

Sprinkles

Our office admin sent a cute email today about our upcoming birthday celebration. It even had a photo of a Minion. We're ordering cupcakes from Sprinkles.

Well, that's a bummer. I mean, I never get to take part in the food stuff anyway, but the admin actually came into my office and get my order. She was pretty sure I could have something. So I looked it up and they don't list ingredients but they do have a gluten-free cupcake and a vegan cupcake. She thought vegan meant also gluten-free, so just an FYI, y'all, um, vegans don't eat animal products but they can have wheat, um-kay. Somewhere between a combination of those two, I might be able to have a cupcake, but alas, never shall the two be combined.

I guess I'll make a trip to Gluten Free Creations Bakery to pick up my own cupcakes so I don't feel totally left out. FML. It never fucking stops. It will never fucking stop. This is my life, for the rest of my life. Will I ever get over the sadness of it all?

My life

Today's hike was at one of my favorite trails at Thunderbird Park. My friend B came from the other end of town and he was even early. M meet us at my house and he was just a little early too.

We headed north and met my friend/coworker J with her little dogs. My friend R who I know through B was supposed to meet us but overslept.

I forgot that we are perhaps not really in shape for this hike yet. At the end, B called it easy and M later called it fun but I thought he might not make it when we were on the ascent. B has a manual job; that's all the exercise he gets. M has a sedentary job and gets no exercise. I have a sedentary job but I get some exercise!

I offered to make waffles so we all headed to my house but made a stop at the grocery store first so B could use the restroom and J could get strawberries. M and I stayed in the car and waited. When they returned, J had a package of Reese's peanut butter cups and was handing them out. When I said I couldn't have it, her reaction and B's reaction....I forget how people are sometimes. I'm more prepared when it's not friends but I forget that some of my friends aren't around all the time for these things. B made some comment about how much my life sucks and for just a moment, I felt like I was going to fall apart. Yeah, if fucking sucks. But it's the only life I have. I think I covered it up okay for J and B; I just tried to jokingly say FML, yeah it sucks. But it didn't get past M. I don't think he gets it but he knew it upset me. My cover is blown!

Back at my house, I made waffles and bacon. I'm not sure if B liked them or not but J did and M said he was surprised but the waffles were "amazing." YES! There are a lot of things I still don't know how to make in a way that I'd serve it to regular people but I think I've got the waffles covered.

North Italia

My drive to work was terrible. Like the I-10 was closed kind of terrible. But I made it in and our lunchtime meeting was canceled so someone was planning a lunch out of the office. They choose North Italia, thinking I'd be able to eat there.

I wasn't so sure. I'm sure I've been there before and had an okay salad. But today. Today, they did me right.

They have a corn based gluten free pasta that does not contain amaranth. (I'm guessing Schar brand.) Most of their pasta sauces contain dairy but the waitress recommended the spicy shrimp.

It was fantastic. Garlicky and yummy. A coworker tried some of nearly everyone's lunch and proclaimed my lunch the second best, after her gnocchi. Winner!

Visitors

We had "my" favorite cousin visit from Indiana. Okay, J is Mick's cousin, but she's my favorite person in his whole family. She brought her husband and son (little one) for 4 days and 5 nights.

She was very helpful in the kitchen and got the cross contamination thing right away. They are early morning people so they made themselves at home and figured out where to find things.

Happy hour!

The first day, little one got to see the F16s and F35s flying over our house. Then we went for a walk in the neighborhood. It was kind of hot and I actually got some sun on my shoulders.

We had the family over for a surf and turf lunch. The kids had a great time, running and playing. Cassi almost sat on the little one at the end of the day--he was on the couch where she wanted to curl up and sleep.

Cajun Halibut with rice, elk steak, artichoke spaghetti squash, salad

We went hiking with friends at White Tanks, the Waterfall Trail. It was a little bit hot still. I feel a little bad they didn't get to go on a bigger longer higher trail but it was a perfect starter trail for our group that hasn't been out for months.

Mick and the husband went quail hunting with my FIL and Teka. They got 3 and I had a couple in the freezer. That's enough for an appetizer!

Almost gone.

That was tiring--no naps but lots of go. They are really active as a family--playing football and Frisbee when I'm recovering from ask the rest. I can't wait for them to come again.

Pancakes via zulilly

I got a box of gluten free allergy friendly products from zulilly. The first to try: pancake mix.

Bacon!

It wasn't bad but seemed kind of bland. It's okay once I put berries and syrup but I think this pancake mix needs something for mixing in like pumpkin or Enjoy Life chocolate chips.

Tamari is soy

Since I've just returned from a week long trip, I had nothing to take for lunch.

I went to Flower Child and ordered a plate I've had several times. I gave my allergy alert.

While I was waiting for my order, someone came to tell me the sweet potatoes have tamari in the glaze.

O_O

W. T. F.

That explains some things.

And this is why I would rather cook all my own food and eat at home. It sucks terribly to have to shop, prep, cook and clean up for all of my meals (you try it some time) but the alternative is...not desirable.

So they made some steamed sweet potatoes without the glaze. They were okay. I wouldn't pay this much money for them--they aren't at all special, just something I would make at home.

sub plain sweet potatoes

I'll have to try some other sides. Or stop eating there.

Weekend wrapup

My stepbrother got divorced and I was able to keep my SIL instead of him. I've always liked her so we're friends now. She had some stuff going on that we talked about last weekend when she came to our party. She asked if she could come spend the weekend which turned into just Friday night. We invited M for dinner too. 

The "grandparents" took Teka for the night so that she wouldn't have to deal with my SIL's dogs. I got this photo asking if she always sleeps with her toys--in her mouth. Um, no.

LOVES her new toy

I made proscuitto wrapped rosemary chicken with sweet potatoes and citrus green beans. It seemed that everyone enjoyed dinner. We hung out for while. M left and my SIL and I stayed up a couple more hours talking.

Dinner

In the morning, we got a late start but eventually took the dogs for a walk (it was too hot and she didn't understand how far "around the block" is in our neighborhood so I ended up carrying her little dog the last half.) She headed home and we headed out to our errands.

We got haircuts, went to Cabela's, stopped at Sprouts for some chips so we could go to Arriba's. At Arriba's, I found out that all the meat except the fish and shrimp are marinated in soy so I can't have the chicken which I KNOW I've had in the past. I had modified shrimp fajitas with corn tortillas, black beans, guacamole, pico de gallo, and salsa.

Linner

I also enjoyed a skinny margarita.

Tasty beverage

We have a free HBO/Cinemax weekend so I'm doing a lot less than I should be but probably just as much as if we didn't have the freebies. I'm guessing.

Thai Lhana

Today was Shel's memorial. I cried so much. She was such an amazing person and it really seems unfair when so many people are NOT amazing.

I met my friend B for dinner. I used to go to this Thai place near my office, but I haven't been there in years for some reason. I think I don't lunch with the people who used to go there and others don't go there anymore either.

Anyway, I am usually able to do curries at Thai places but this one uses cream instead of some of the coconut milk. Huh. That sucks.

The waitress had recently had someone with similar food allergies so she said there was one soup I could have and one chicken dish that comes with rice. I had the barbecue chicken and white rice. It was very good. It came with sweet chili sauce which some of it needed as parts were dry. But it was tasty. If I hadn't skipped lunch, this would be enough for 2 meals.

Chicken

Post post birthday party

Party number 2 was also a blast! It was a totally different group, again no one from my workplace and some odd cancelations, but so fun. My friend R brought broccoli salad after checking the ingredients with me and her friend A brought me some yellow flowers. We had dinner on the patio. And drinks. A lot of drinks. A lot of laughing. My bestie B and I took a break from the group; I am not a fan of him shutting me out when he has crap going on so I had to remind him that he doesn't actually have to go it alone.

Party food

I may or may not have drank a spilled drink off the table and one of my girlfriends may or may not have been a bit frisky with Mick and I may or may not have taken a couple dozen selfies with B and some people may or may not have drank those blue margaritas Mick likes that I advised against.

We had a few overnighters so I made waffles and bacon and Mick made biscuits and sausage gravy for breakfast. It was really awesome to be able to spend so much time with some friends I have not spent much time with recently but consider to be my closest friends. I can't wait to do it again!

Black and white

I went to Flower Child for lunch today and had some yummy veggie soup that had chilies in it.

steaming

I'm not totally sure about this as a work outfit; it seems a little short, but I get compliments about how cute it is so I'll go with it on a Friday.