Just venting

I went to the eye clinic this morning. I was there for two hours. It was overwhelming and sucky; it was maybe beneficial. Tests were done. Treatment options and the huge cost to me were discussed. The plug was removed from a gland in my left eye but the one in the right was not removed.

I didn't fall apart till I left.

I. Am. So. Tired.

I'm tired of sleeping - not enough because I can't, or enough, or more than enough, and in all cases, still feeling bone weary exhausted.

I'm tired of appointments and tests and treatments with no real benefit.

I'm tired of spending So Much Fucking Money on my health.

I'm tired of making decisions about what to try next or what to skip altogether.

I'm tired of being a guinea pig.

I'm tired of doctors who don't know me after years of seeing me.

I'm tired of eating "right" and still fighting my digestive system.

I'm tired of thinking I should or could do more (I should do that diet and figure out what *else* I can't eat).

I'm tired of collecting diseases.

I'm tired of fighting but it's all I know.

#justventing #FML #MSwarrior #MSismybitch #Iamenough #NoOneTalksAboutGravesDisease #lostmythyroidhaveyouseenit #MSsucksballs #autocorrecthatesfucking #butIlookgood #outofspoons #allergicgirl

Phase 4 trial

I still haven't gotten my last check from the Phase 3 trial but here we are, on to Phase 4. It's at Barrow's, and it took a little finding. No tests were really done today, just a review of my file. It appears I cannot change my initials to match my name but otherwise, pretty uneventful. And I only have to go every six months!